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Identity of Youth Mystifies Police

February 3, 2016 Leave a comment Go to comments
Buck Igloos

By Buck Igloos


There is a boy in the Southern Pond Area jail who is proving very much of a conundrum.

The boy, who was arrested on January 15th in the act of distributing lewd pamphlets, has confounded area and national police.

“We have been unable to find out exactly who he is,” noted Detective Gee-Temple, who was called to the scene. “He first gave his name as George Peterson and then later as Tom Barrasso, Jr. and still later as Floyd Tettleton. At first, he said he came from the Islands but now he’s saying that he comes from the Hills. He has, at various times, said the Eastern and Western Hills.”

The boy is about 15 years of age, stands 5 feet 2 inches and weighs 375 pounds.

A series of lewd pamphlets recently seized by Lankville police.

A series of lewd pamphlets recently seized by Lankville police.

“He’s pretty wide,” Gee-Temple added. “He’s probably wider than he is tall, if you can imagine.”

The boy stated at first that he had never gone to school but then later said that he had completed two years at a Hill School. He said he had left the Hills two years ago, had been on a boat at one time and arrived in the Southern Pond Area some time last summer. He could not remember the names of his parents or any relatives.

“Hill people sometimes don’t have names,” Gee-Temple noted. “They are a mean people, bound to the soil.”

The boy would not elaborate on how he had taken up the vocation of lewd pamphleteer. “It was a pamphlet catering to behinds,” Gee-Temple stated. “As in, rumps,” the intrepid detective averred.

The distribution of lewd pamphlets carries an automatic sentence of 60 years in the Southern Pond Area.

“I suppose there’s a chance that the boy could serve less time due to being underage,” said Gee-Temple.  “He could also, of course, be sent to a retarded home. We’ll just have to see how it plays out.”

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