Home > Lankville Daily News > Scott Answers Your Pizza Questions

Scott Answers Your Pizza Questions

Scott, Manager of the Pizza A-Round

By Scott, Manager of the Pizza A-Round

What happens if a person who orders for pizza delivery takes the pizza and refuses to pay?
Lance Speaker
Lankville Pine Basin

Dear Lance,

First off, Lance, nobody has ever “taken” a pizza from me and refused to pay. The pizza remains firmly wedged between my left hand (my delivery hand) and my left flank until the dollars have been counted out to MY satisfaction. Nobody touches a Round pizza until that transaction is complete.

I’ve heard it said that some pizzerias will simply take the pizza back to the restaurant. At worst, they might make a notation in their computer system– mark the deadbeat as a “non-payer”, something like that.

But that ain’t not how we do it at the Round.

Secondly, you pull that shit with us, and that’ll be the last pizza you ever order in the Northern Suburbs. And I don’t just mean from the Round. I mean from anybody. I’ll personally see to that. Go ahead, Lance. Try me.

SCOTT

 

Is it ethical to order a delivery pizza when it’s raining?
Buck Igloos
Snowy Lake AreaBiKpwGoCcAAR-hz

Dear Buck,

You ever hear about that little creed that the Lankville post offices have got?  The one about delivering in the rain, sleet and snow?

Well, the Round goes one better.  We’ve delivered in rain, sleet and snow, sure.  But we’ve also delivered in tornadoes, dust storms, super squirrel infestations, trash blows and even hurricanes.

Frankly, I don’t know where the hell these questions are even coming from.

SCOTT

 

Why don’t more pizza places offer stuffed crust pizza?
Billy Choppy
Lankville Outlands

Dear Billy,

Now here’s something that I got an opinion on after 20 years in the business.

Look, stuffed crust seems like a breathtaking advancement, I know. But the thing is- it ruins the crust.  I view the crust as the oasis of a pizza, if you will.  It’s a little break after all that cheese and sauce.  It mixes it up.  Now, you put sauce and cheese inside the crust and what do you have? You got overkill, that’s what.

Plus, it’s a grade-A pain in the ass to make.  My guys at the Round ain’t no good at it– they don’t have the spatial thinking skills that are required.  Very few do.  I do but that’s rare, man.  As rare as a shimmering diamond popping out of the ass of some deep cave.  Stuffed crust don’t pay the bills, man.

SCOTT

 

Scott will continue to answer your pizza questions in further issues.

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