Home > Lankville, Lankville Daily News > The Complete Brock Belvedere Death Notices

The Complete Brock Belvedere Death Notices

Brock Belvedere

Brock Belvedere 1943-2016

April 12, 2016

Friends, I’m saddened to report that Brock Belvedere was electrocuted last night. He is currently in Room 065 (basement) at Greater Lankville Plains Less Expensive Hospital. I saw him this morning and he looked as good as could be expected. If you want to send him anything, I remember he once expressed great admiration for balloons, so that might be the best way to go. I’ll keep you posted.

April 13, 2016

An update on our friend Brock Belvedere, who was electrocuted last night.

I went back to see Brock this afternoon but he was not in his room. When I inquired at the darkened nurses’ stand, I was told that Brock had been “misplaced”. “We lost him,” the nurse said. “Sorry.” They hope to find Brock later this evening. Before he was misplaced, the nurse noted that he was feeling slightly better and that he even sat up in bed and drank a big soda.

I hope to have another update for you all in the morning.

April 13, 2016

Friends– an update on dear Brock Belvedere, who was electrocuted two days ago.

First off, Brock has been found!!! He was accidentally thrown away by an over-eager janitor and, fortunately, an intern came upon him, nestled in the bin on top of some discarded food. They cleaned him up and I’m happy to say, placed him in the only available room (which is in the psychiatric bad manners ward on the first floor). I brought Brock some breakfast cake this morning but he was still in a semi-conscious state, so I ended up eating the cake myself. Our dear friend looks better– his skin has a certain sheen that I appreciated but it is still very, very grey. I am hoping that the fluids they are pumping into Brock (strangely, three lines are going into his arms causing some visible swelling) will help him. I will have an update a little later.

April 14, 2016

Brock Belvedere ceremonial collectible keepsake.

Brock Belvedere ceremonial collectible keepsake.

Everyone– it is with deep sorrow that I must inform you that our dear friend Brock Belvedere has died.

Friends are invited to call at the Life Lessons Funeral Home (ceremonial collectible funeral keepsake attached) tomorrow and Friday from 1-3, 5-7, and 11-1.

Brock seemed to be improving this morning but I am told he took a turn for the worse after lunch. “His skin began to take on the color of a dried sponge,” one nurse noted. “He began to sort of fold in on himself,” another added.

He died at 2:16 LST.

Goodnight, friend.

April 14, 2016

Friends– an update on the viewing of dear Brock Belvedere, today and Friday at the Life Lessons Funeral Home.

Brock had a little cash in his wallet so, in accordance to what we think his wishes may have been, we decided to have a box lunch for his friends. We are taking orders now.

Lunch will be provided by the catering division of Vitiello Decorative Hams, Inc. Below are the options:

-Turkey Club on a sliced decorative ham: Turkey, bacon ,swiss-like cheese, lettuce & tomato on a flaky decorative ham with fruit, chips, cookies and a bottled water.

-Honey Mustard Chicken: Marinated/grilled honey mustard filet on a sliced, crisp decorative ham with muenster-like cheese, whole real fruits, chips, cookies and a bottled water.

– The Vitiello Combo: Turkey, Swiss-like cheese, dijon-like mustard on a petite sliced and breaded decorative ham with cheddar-like cheese on the side, a fruit, chips, cake substance and a bottled water.12961637_1194170930604027_8967629342013025933_n

-Vegetables: Just a plate of mildly steamed vegetables, poorly presented (Vitiello Decorative Hams detests vegetarians).

Please RSVP your choice to Devon Fick using the “comment” option. As you can see (attached), I am keeping very careful track of the selections utilizing Excel Spreadsheets with complex summation formulas so that I can instantly tabulate final food totals.

God Bless our Friend.

April 14, 2016

Brock Belvedere Bereavement Frisbees

Brock Belvedere Bereavement Frisbees

Friends– we now have a quantity of Brock Belvedere Bereavement Frisbees available. Remember our departed loved one with these flying discs made of durable environmentally-friendly cross-woven plastic. We only have orange right now. 9 1/4″ diameter (standard).
$12.99, 8 for $59.99.

April 14, 2016
Friends– we also have a small quantity of Brock Belvedere beer cozies. We all remember how much Brock liked to keep his hands warm and dry while his drinks maintained a cold temperature. And now, you can honor his memory by doing the same. Made with the well-known wetsuit material crafted in the Western Lankville Rubber Regions, these can coolers feature 3mm walls, fit up to 12 oz. cans, and are sewn together for a secure hold. They are available in colors that include white, black, blue, neon pink, yellow, camo, turquoise and others.

RIP, dear friend.

April 15, 2016

Friends, the first viewing for Brock Belvedere was an unprecedented success. So many vivid memories, textures and feelings. I know we all had a wonderful time (especially at the 11-1 session).

Remember, if you couldn’t make it yesterday, you can still look at Brock’s lifeless body today from 1-3, 5-7, and 11-1 at the Life Lessons Funeral Home in the Southern Lankville Marshland Area. We have also set up a “Brock Belvedere Bereavement Shop” where you can pick up a number of terrific items including the Brock Belvedere “Thanks Brock” basketballs, the Bereavement Frisbees and the beer cozies. Plus, we’re offering a package deal. Get all three for just $29.99 (limited quantities, one per bereaved).


  1. June 1, 2016 at 12:53 pm

    Brock, if you’re listening…you really shouldn’t be. How many times have I told you to mind your own fucking business?!

  2. June 1, 2016 at 11:05 pm

    I heard they are going to Chinese auction off his tiny presentation oar. Is that true? I want to get a piece of that action. Pondicherry better not executive order it into his special collection, we all know he wants the oar. Greedy bastard. Maybe those guys over in Hoover can bribe him with some more of those fried prepondoros; however, word on the street said those gave him the shits for a few days. What do I know? Also, Tingley better not get the idea to make a reproduction of Brock’s oar. I want to be the only owner of the mother-of-pearl inlayed tin-dipped shrimps’ teeth that Brock epoxied to his oar back in 2015 after Tingley’s crappy plastic ornamentation fell off.

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