Samways and Fick: Consultants, the Letter of Recommendation Experts

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Samways and Fick: Consultants, the Letter of Recommendation Experts

June 2, 2016 Leave a comment Go to comments

The letter of recommendation. The hallmark of a successful job application.

Did you know that 98% of letters of recommendation have been scientifically proven to be failures?* But what can you do? You have to ask someone in a position to write one– such as a current or former supervisor, a professor or mentor or a volleyball coach. But what do you do if these people can’t write? Or if they simply don’t have the time? Or if you waited way too long to ask and now they’re out coaching volleyball in some distant Lankville province? What can you do?

Thankfully, Samways and Fick: Consultants have created a “Letters of Recommendations” arm designed to fulfill all of your non-sexual letters of recommendation needs. We now have an entire stable of important-sounding individuals who will tailor a custom letter to fit your desired (non-sexual) position (non-sexual). Our experts will tirelessly refer to the job posting or job description to find your specific skills and knowledge that are included in the letter and are partially-guaranteed to make you a top-flight candidate. Some letters are even written by Dr. Samways and Dr. Fick!**

Body of the Letter

Dr. Fick.

The body of your Samways and Fick Recommendation letter™ will reference your skills, qualities, areas of knowledge and other assets (non sexual) while stressing your vibrant personality, your enhanced people skills and how you look in an off-color pantsuit. Our experts will start by making a list of your strengths which you would like conveyed in your recommendation (limit ten strengths– after, $49.99 per additional strength).

Our experts will then compose sentences which include references that will make these assertions about your assets seem more credible. As these sentences mount they will become paragraphs. The magic of professional writing!

These assets might consist of a project or role where you successfully applied a certain skill. Citing accomplishments where value was added to your organization and describing the strengths which enabled you to generate these results can be particularly compelling. Any trophies or medallions you have won will be mentioned and perhaps photographed for use in our Samways and Fick Recommendation Letter Appendix™ which can be included with your letter for an additional fee.

Letter Closing

The closing of a Samways and Fick Recommendation letter™ is partially-guaranteed to send you out with a bang!

Dr. Samways

We may elect to mention that we would like to hire you. We might say something like, “if not for those fires that have been ravaging the Lankville Pines Area we would certainly hire [your name here].” We may include a positive statement about our belief that you would be an outstanding addition to any staff. If applicable, we may grade you physically– candidates with an 8 or higher on the dumper tend to fare better than those with a lower score.

At Samways and Fick: Consultants, we don’t believe in trite valedictions. Your letter will not conclude with worn out cliches like “kind regards”, “best wishes”, or “thanks again, what a great time that was.” At S&F, we have an entire stable of distinctive farewells. Everything from “lusciously yours” to “within the realms” and everything in between.

Samways and Fick: Helping You Reach the Area Near the Top of Your Mountain.

*-See Samways and Fick: 98% of Letters of Recommendation Have Been Scientifically Proven to Be Failures. “The Samways and Fick Journal”, No. 88, p. 265.

**- this is rare.

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CURIOUS LETTERS

Gentlemen,

My name is Fletcher M. Gregory, Jr. and I am 85 years old. I have long been an admirer of your Fluffy Marshes-Mallows; indeed, my man-servant Mr. Swift and I enjoy it atop our sundaes three or four days per week! However, as time has passed, I have noticed that your product becomes more and more difficult to locate in the grocery center and that other, obviously inferior products are now being allotted primer space. Now, this could be the work of the disgraceful he-she that manages my local grocery center (IT'S name is "Steve") but I have had other associates who have expressed similar concerns.

Therefore, I was hoping you could provide me with information on how you intend to rectify this matter as I am fearful that your fine product will eventually disappear forever from the shelves of my local grocery center-cum Sodom.

Yours faithfully,
Fletcher M. Gregory, Lankville

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TRAVEL TIPS by Randy Hammers

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© 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017 by Devon Fick and The Lankville Daily News. All material written by Devon Fick unless otherwise indicated. With additional material by David Hadbawnik, Shane Meyer, Sarah Samways and Brian Schropp. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Devon Fick and The Lankville Daily News with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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