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Ric Royer’s Recipe for Mayonnaise of Chicken in Shells

October 2, 2013 Leave a comment

By Ric Royer
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Ric Royer is well-known for his gastronomic creations.

Before starting, have some china-plated scallop shells or some bathroom cups available; place about one teaspoonful of thick, chunky mayonnaise sauce in the center of each container (your choice).  If the mayonnaise is not chunky, luxuriant or even bushy, add some small yard roots.

Now, take the remains of a chicken and cut it in squares.  The squares should be neat and as near to the size of a discontinued Lankvillian halfpenny piece as possible (if a discontinued Lankvillian halfpenny piece is not available, look it up online– they have a lot of stuff on there).  Now add the crisp lettuces, the slices of hard-boiled egg, the fillets of blond anchovies and some olives.  While the first three of those items should be of the finest quality available, the olives can just be from a can.  Nobody gives a fucking shit about the olives.

Arrange everything alternately on the sauce, forming a nice pile.  Now, carpet the pile heavily with the mayonnaise sauce, smoothing the top with a sharp knife much in the way that you would run such a knife over the buttocks of a lover as a gentle form of threat.  Now, cook up some of the chicken remains (put some folded parchment paper over the dish), rub the livers and then cool, allowing for 25-30 minutes resting time.

To finish, place four little bunches of French capers on the edge.  This is decoration, so arrange artistically.  Myself, I generally arrange the capers in the manner of the foundations of the great Eastern Lankville pyramids.  Finally, serve one to each person commenting loudly to each, “THIS IS MAYONNAISE OF CHICKEN” and calling their attention to the lateness of the hour.  Allow for napkins.

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