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Vitiello Discusses His First Draft

January 16, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Lance Pepsid
Special Fashion Correspondent
File photo

Lance Pepsid had a chance to sit down with 24-Piece Men owner Chris Vitiello, who will be attending his first draft this evening after purchasing an expansion club during the summer. 

LP: Tell me what you’ll be looking for tonight.
CV: Before I answer that question, I’d like to know why you Mr. Pepsid are doing this interview.
LP: I was assigned…I’m not…
CV: It was my impression Mr. Pepsid that you were a fashion correspondent only. I cannot even fathom why the Pondicherry Association News would send someone of your ilk.  Clearly, you are just reading these questions off a form.
LP: Let’s move on. What players are you looking at in the early rounds? Any particular position?
CV: It has been said that one selects the correct tool Mr. Pepsid. You are the incorrect tool for this job.
LP(becoming increasingly hysterical): Well…I….can I just…what round might you select a goaltender?
CV: When one is confronted with a man brandishing the incorrect tool, one has the option to counter with an apparatus more suitable to the situation.After a long, pregnant pause, Mr. Vitiello rose quickly and began whipping Pepsid mercilessly. The interview was ended early.

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