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Pondicherry Association to Draft Tonight

January 16, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Dick Oakes, Jr.
Senior Staff Writer
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The Pondicherry Association will hold its draft for the shortened 2013 season this evening, according to a statement issued earlier today.

The event is expected to be a toned-down affair with three of the nine owners unable to attend– Ric Royer of the Terrifying Bats is still incarcerated and notorious astronaut-asshole “Nick” is still stuck in space. Fick of the Darkness club will be sending a representative.

“It’s not going to be a big deal at all,” said Small Pizzas GM “Inner Hammer” who is returning from the Teets Island Chain some time this afternoon. “I’ll probably just put a robe on, walk down to the ballroom whenever the hell I feel like it. In the past, the draft has left me a quivering heap of nerves, deep horniness and hate. Plus, I would generally gorge myself on small pizzas. But not now. Life’s too short, boys.”

Stamps owner Aaron Tucker will be making a rare visit to Lankville to attend his first draft after purchasing an expansion team during the summer. Tucker will be traveling with a coterie of Hoover Island representatives and is expected to arrive by speedboat some time this afternoon.

“It should be exciting,” said hockey enthusiast Gene Slipps. “It’s said that Tucker’s speedboat is capable of propelling itself into the air for great distances. Should be something really interesting to see rather than the stuff I usually see which is not very interesting at all.” Slipps was later killed when he accidentally fell into a pit of fire.

The Association will play an abbreviated 48-game season following a 3-month long lockout.

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