Home > Musings of a Decorative Ham Man > Vitiello to Distribute Irregular Decorative Hams to Needy

Vitiello to Distribute Irregular Decorative Hams to Needy

January 15, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Brock Belvedere, Jr.
Senior Staff Writer
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24-Piece Men GM and ornamental meat magnate Chris Vitiello announced today that he will distribute several thousand irregular decorative hams to needy families.

“It came to my attention that there are a number of island-type people without decorative hams in their homes,” said the executive, who, for reasons unclear, was carefully examining a dessicated gourd. “I grew up poor, always wanting and so I understand their plight.”

Vitiello will supervise the distribution process and has already targeted specific homes in the Lankville Eastern End and the Northern Hole Area.

“These are two of the filthiest, most degenerate places in all of Lankville and therefore the most needy,” said Vitiello.

Area organizers, however, are already questioning Vitiello’s offer.

“People need real hams,” said Quentz Lister, who helps run a “Soups Kitchen”. “I’m not sure of the value of fake ones.”

Lister was immediately beheaded.

The distribution will begin later in the month.

  1. oversion
    September 3, 2016 at 11:02 pm

    Brock, it’s great to see you back and writing articles again. How goes it?

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