Home > Remonstrations of Fingers Rolly > You Buy a Hose and it Comes Packaged in Cardboard and Wire Ties and I Guarantee You’re Not Getting That Fucker Out of There

You Buy a Hose and it Comes Packaged in Cardboard and Wire Ties and I Guarantee You’re Not Getting That Fucker Out of There

January 22, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Fingers Rolly  Man on the Street

By Fingers Rolly   Man on the Street

You go to a place like that Home Dump place and you buy a hose and it comes packaged in that fucking shitbird heavy cardboard with those pieces of wire all around it and I guarantee that you’re not getting that fucking hose out of there.  I guarantee it.

You can bring out the big guns– those heavy old scissors used to cut tin or maybe some pliers, a hammer, the whole fucking toolbox.  You go at that motherlovin’ packaging like a wild dog but you’re not getting that fucking hose out of there.  Can’t even move those fucking wire ties.

You can take it up to your attic and throw it down three stories and that god damn cardboard coffin still ain’t coming loose.  You give up hope.  You spend the night in your fucking car just looking at that thing lying there in the yard, mocking you.  You can scream at it over and over but you ain’t getting that hose out of there.

I guarantee it.

The Lankville Daily News would like to apologize for the preceding story.  Mr. Rolly was assigned an article on funny baby names.

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