Royer to Open Chain of Dollar Stores
By Bernie Keebler
Senior Staff Writer
File photo
Incarcerated Terrifying Bat GM Cor Scorpionis (formerly Ric Royer) announced today that he will open a chain of dollar stores in Lankville City.
The Dollar Bush will begin with 13 locations.
“We elected to go with The Dollar Bush because we want people to think of a tender, full, motherly bush that yields great fruits,” noted Cor Scorpinois, who was interviewed in the newly-erected “Fun Hall” at the Foontz-Flonnaise Home of Abundant Senselessness. “It’s a bush that you see from far away, from, say, across a busy highway. But even from that great distance, you can see the blossoming bush fruits. And you know immediately that you can pick them.”
“For a dollar,” added Cor Scorpionis, after a moment of reflection.
The executive, who also operates a chain of automats and is constructing a roller-skating rink, stated that his dollar stores will be distinctive.
“Upon occasion, we will covertly bring an extremely valuable item into select locations,” the eccentric entrepreneur stated as he hurled a small beanbag through a distant basketball hoop much to the delight of his fellow inmates. “It will be, say, a voucher for an in-ground swimming pool or a remaindered car. And anyone, any customer can pick it up and take it up to the counter and secure the right to pass through what we will call a period of “ULTRA MENACE”. If the customer prevails during the period of “ULTRA MENACE”, then he will be able to purchase the valuable item for just one dollar.”
Cor Scorpionis refused to go into further detail about the “ULTRA MENACE” but stated that it would be a challenging test of strength. “I feel confident that the average dollar store customer will not be able to withstand it but I could be surprised,” the mogul noted.
The Dollar Bush is slated to begin operation in early April.
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Hey folks! It’s the Dollar Bush here! (Imagine an animated dollar bush with eyes and a mouth talking to you). Stay tuned for updates from us and we (comment suddenly ended).