Home > 2012-13 Season, Royer's Madcap Experiences > Royer’s Madcap Experiences: The Grocery Depository

Royer’s Madcap Experiences: The Grocery Depository

February 10, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Cor Scorpionis (formerly Ric Royer)
https://i2.wp.com/farm7.staticflickr.com/6144/6043736385_68a2b72a3c_m.jpg
File photo

I put some gum in my mouth and violently pushed open the sliding glass doors.  The Grocery Depository* lay before me.  “Better get a clock out, cause the big man’s here” I said loudly, as I strode past the service desk.  “Yep, mark that down on your time sheets.”

I got a cart and filled it with pancake mixes and hot dogs.  “I don’t know what any of you are looking at,” I said to other customers, “but what I’m looking at is none other than a collection of people WHO DON’T KNOW HOW TO LIVE.”  Then I turned over the cart.  Mix went everywhere.  I produced a woman’s wig from my coat and put it on.

The security guard came around.  He had a chubby pink face.

“What are you trying to pull?” he said.

“You have a little office?,” I asked.  I put more gum in my mouth.  “Because I would advise you to go back there, back to your little office.”  I stared straight through him, snapping the gum.

Everything broke down after that.

The next thing I remember is burying my head in a series of mollusk pillows.  A fire had been built and the carpet was an aged yellow color.  Laughing could be heard in the next room.  I was offered some sweet wine out of a child’s beach pail.

“You should look at the fountain that Clarence built,” someone offered.  I was led down a gravel driveway.  A tiled fountain sat at its entrance.  It was terrible, just a miserable idea, poorly-executed.  A statue depicting a nude cherub had been mounted in the middle.  A thin stream of water trickled out of its anus.  “Clarence hooked it up improperly,” someone admitted.  “Otherwise, it’s beautiful though.”  I could hear crying behind me but I dared not turn around.

Then, I was sitting in Warden Jenness’ office.  He had evidently been talking for some time and pointing to a document on the desk before me.  I focused.  Inmates are not permitted entrance into the kitchen.  I looked up.

“How many pancake mixes were lost?” I asked.

“Twenty, maybe twenty-five.”

I began screaming, then sobbing quietly.  I was led back to my cell.

*popular Lankville grocery chain

  1. February 10, 2013 at 7:12 am

    Hi. It’s the Dollar Bush. Really, really depressed today. I could barely bring myself to get out of bed– having to look yet again at that miserable color of paint on the walls, that miserable collection of (comment ended suddenly).

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s