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Pucking Around: Brock Belvedere’s Notebook

By Brock Belvedere, Jr.
Senior Staff Writer
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BATS DOMINATE

The Terrifying Bats continue to dominate in the P.A., having held the top spot for nearly a month after a slow start to the campaign.  “We have a lot of quality players, fluid players,” noted GM Ric Royer, who was interviewed in his new van.  “At first, I was hesitant about Keith Candles [sic] and Ilya Candles [sic] but they’ve proven…”

Royer suddenly paused when he noticed that the van had a large flip-down ashtray with cigarette lighter.

“Look at this!” the executive exclaimed loudly.  “This van is a virile, limitless box of curiosities.  The wonder is an endless fount!”

The GM then kicked this reporter in the face four times and the interview was ended prematurely.

CATCHING UP WITH “INNER HAMMER”

The Small Pizzas have been maintaining a close second to Royer’s Bats all season despite the absence of their enigmatic owner “Inner Hammer”.  The Hammer has been on extended vacation in the Teets Island Chain since late summer.  We caught up with the executive at an outdoor market where he was screaming at a local vendor over the price of a pineapple.

“You have to be firm with these people,” he explained.  “They are beautiful people but occasionally you have to berate them if you want to get a reasonable deal on pineapples.”

“Inner Hammer” sat down for a brief interview.

BB:  Will you be returning to Lankville?
IH: Probably not, Brock. I’m thinking of getting married to a native girl.
BB: What about Aunt Pam?
IH(clearly confused): I’m not sure I know the reference…
BB: Let’s move on. Settling down, eh?
IH: Well, settling down is a phrase you can use if you want to fit into the desperate hierarchical systems of Lankville. I’ll still be out there, regularly slapping a batch around if you know what I’m saying.
BB: That vendor is putting out more pineapples.
IH: THAT MOTHERFUCKER! (Inner Hammer ran back to the table screaming and the interview was ended).

BROX COLUMN TO CONTINUE

It was announced yesterday that Woman in a Man’s Game, Robin Brox’s new column, will continue in future issues of The Pondicherry Association News.

“She offers a fresh perspective on the game and on life,” noted senior staff reporter Grady Kitchens.  “We’ve had a few women reporters before like that old yarn lady [Lida Fjord] and that little tiny woman that reported on society [name forgotten] but after awhile they either died or went missing.  So, it’s good to welcome Ms. Brox aboard.”

Brox, interviewed at her Western Lankville uncolored condiment factory, was pleased at the news.

“I’ve always been able to write.  When I was a teenager, I wrote a series of poems about all those space shuttles that exploded back in the 80’s and I won a prize.  Then, in college, I wrote some short stories about all those other space shuttles that exploded.  I guess I stopped writing right around when they stopped trying to launch space shuttles.  But people still remembered my work.  If they start launching space shuttles again, I’ll probably take up the pen once more.”

  1. March 9, 2013 at 7:59 am

    Vitiello Decorative Hams is offering a “weekend special”. Introductory ham with explanatory diagram and brief technician visit- $199.99. Home inspection required. Don’t test me.

  2. March 10, 2013 at 8:49 am

    One-page “spring ham batch” flier– getaham.com. Vitiello Decorative Hams recommend 10-15 decorative hams about the house for the Easter holidays.

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