Home > 2012-13 Season > Inner Hammer Kills Two in Sword Battle

Inner Hammer Kills Two in Sword Battle

By Bernie Keebler
Senior Staff Writer
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Small Pizzas GM “Inner Hammer” killed two vendors yesterday at the 63rd Annual Teets Island Gun, Swords and Hard Spheres Show held on the island.

“I asked the fat as shit guys if I could see the old pirate-looking cutlass they had behind glass.  They took it out for me, handed it to me carefully and I immediately felt empowered.  So I just cut both their heads off.”

Police are trying to determine if the actions of the executive were in self-defense.

“The act of proffering a pirate cutlass could be viewed as an offensive action,” noted Detective Gee-Temple, who was flown into the Teets Island Chain to investigate.  “Inner Hammer may have been in the right.  We’re still looking into it.”

“Yeah, it was kind of awesome, guys,” noted Inner Hammer.  “If they hadn’t canceled the event and cleared the auditorium, I would have definitely bought that pirate cutlass even though it was all gnarly and all.”

Inner Hammer has murdered four people over the past two years, all food delivery persons.  Detective Gee-Temple says that the murder yesterday does not fit into the GM’s profile.

“We have to look at all the details.  This is by no means over.  It will probably be OK.”

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