Home > 2012-13 Season > Meet the Players of the Pondicherry Baseball Association Division of Leagues

Meet the Players of the Pondicherry Baseball Association Division of Leagues

By “Outfielder” Jones
Outfielder, Terrifying Bats
amerson

I never try to hit home runs.  I can’t.  I have no power whatsoever.  One time, my high school coach said, “Outfielder, go sit over there on the bench.  Sit way down at the end there so’s you’re almost falling off.  Put part of your ass on the bench and the other part on that yellowing, moldy water cooler that’s been sitting on the ground so long that it’s sinking into the earth.  Now, just stay like that for the rest of the game.”  But now look at me.  A major league baseball player with The Terrifying Bats.

I’ve spent the last few years playing in the Eastern Lankville Condensed League.  It’s not really an official league, so I don’t have any stats for it but let’s just say I drove in 116 runs one year.  That’s not bad for a condensed league.  When the PBADL was formed, I was the first guy [owner] Mr. [Ric] Royer called.  He told me to come out to a muddy field– they had a uniform, a bat and some gum waiting for me.  The uniforms aren’t bad really.

I’m slated to start in center for the Bats tomorrow night.  Mr. Royer called me especially.  It seems like he’s taken a real interest in me even though half the time he seems to be talking about some kind of illuminated village and I’m not really sure what he means.  But I’m all set.  I plan to bunt.  I plan to steal bases.  I may make some catches.

It’s gonna be fun.

Jones’ Career Statistics

Yr Club G Ab R H 2B 3B HR RBI SB AVG
08 Johnson Dry Basements 25 61 3 5 2 0 0 1 2 .082
09 Johnson Dry Basements 3 3 -2 0 0 0 0 0 0 .000
10 Gusseted-Bottom Shopping Bags 15 7 1 1 0 0 1 1 0 .143
Categories: 2012-13 Season Tags: ,
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