Home > Royer's Madcap Experiences > Royer’s Madcap Experiences: Orion Revisited

Royer’s Madcap Experiences: Orion Revisited

By Ric Royer
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I happened to be hanging around the lunch slots when the Jew wandered up.

“Been tying up some loose ends,” he started.  I stopped him.

“Never good to tie up loose ends.”  I stared straight at him and put some gum in my mouth.  “Don’t wanna’ be standing there with your shorts around your ankles, no cake in hand.”

He seemed confused and that’s how I wanted it.

Turns out he wanted me to fly back to Orion, get some pics of those big cow-eyed girls.  “See if you can take ’em in some barns,” he said.  “What about the crazy cannibal?” I asked, my interest piqued.  “They pick him up?”  “No, as far as I know he’s still out there,” the Jew noted.  “But they’ve driven him out into the Barrens.  It’s said that he hasn’t attacked in over seven months.”

A tray appeared from one of the lunch slots.  There was a heavily-compacted flounder surrounded by little lemons.

“What expenses are we looking at?  Don’t put me up at some guy’s house.  Give me a hotel room.  Have them check the bed springs.”

The Jew thought about that.  Then he sent me down to payroll.

Angie was down there.  I sat on her desk and allowed my pants to clump up around the crotch.

“Where are you going?” she said.  She had some magazine on her lap about yarn.

“Orion.  Could be trouble.  There’s a wild cannibal there.”

She liked trouble.  It was going to be easy from now on.

At dawn, I left Angie in bed and threw a quilt over her– bunch of god damn colored granny squares.  My Aunt had made it.  I hustled out to the airport, slammed down three sodas at the airport bar and boarded the plane.  An entire breakfast cart had been turned over in the aisle– nobody was fooling with it.  I nicked a couple of links that had fallen untouched on a wide napkin. The stewardess looked at me funny but I didn’t care– I was going to Orion.

And that’s how it goes in Orion.

To be continued

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