Home > 2012-13 Season > New Evidence Emerging on Disappearance of Plantains’ Meyer

New Evidence Emerging on Disappearance of Plantains’ Meyer

By Brock Belvedere, Jr.
Senior Staff Writer
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New evidence is slowly emerging on the disappearance of former hockey club owner and fried plantain magnate Shane Meyer, sources are now confirming.  Meyer was presumed killed in a tire-house fire last August.

“We have some new juicy morsels of an interesting nature,” noted Detective Gee-Temple, currently in charge of the case.  “Some family photographs have emerged and we discovered a previously unknown sister who has revealed some luscious tidbits.  So, we feel confident that a conclusion will be forthcoming.”

Gee-Temple would not elaborate, however Meyer’s sister, speaking under condition of anonymity, consented to a brief interview with The Pondicherry Association News.

Meyer family, 1982.  Shane is pictured second from right.

Meyer family, 1982. Shane is pictured second from right.

BB: Tell us a little about yourself.
S:  You Know the apartments?
BB: Oh, yes, of course.
S:  Yeah, I manage them.
BB: So, can you tell us anything about Shane’s disappearance?
S:  Shane and I don’t have a lot of contact.  He disapproves of my lifestyle with the apartments and I disapprove of plantains.  Nevertheless, I got an unsigned letter about a month ago that appeared to be in his handwriting.
BB: What did it say?
S: It just said some nasty things about the apartments.  I knew then that it was Shane.
BB: Do you think he faked his death?
S: Maybe. You’ll have to wait to hear what Geez-Temples [sic] says.
BB: What does Aunt Pam think? Everybody really wants to know what’s going on with Aunt Pam. (Belvedere began gyrating lewdly).
S: Aunt Pam disapproves of the apartments. And I disapprove of her craft-stuffed home. We don’t speak.
BB: You tell Aunt Pam that I have no problem crafting it up. Any time, any place. Hell, I’ll craft it up in a pile of garbage if Aunt Pam’s there.
S: Alright.

The interview suddenly became disorganized and succumbed under a vast, unmentionable pressure.

  1. Life Lessons Funeral Home
    August 23, 2013 at 10:38 am

    Shane Meyer may not be dead but if he is dead, it’d be best to contact Wally at Life Lessons Funeral Home. Wally has been personally assigned to follow the case. One day, you’ll know death and then you’ll know Life Lessons. Call ext. 6218. Ask for Wally or leave detailed message about who died.

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