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New Evidence Emerging on Disappearance of Plantains’ Meyer

August 23, 2013 1 comment

By Brock Belvedere, Jr.
Senior Staff Writer
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New evidence is slowly emerging on the disappearance of former hockey club owner and fried plantain magnate Shane Meyer, sources are now confirming.  Meyer was presumed killed in a tire-house fire last August.

“We have some new juicy morsels of an interesting nature,” noted Detective Gee-Temple, currently in charge of the case.  “Some family photographs have emerged and we discovered a previously unknown sister who has revealed some luscious tidbits.  So, we feel confident that a conclusion will be forthcoming.”

Gee-Temple would not elaborate, however Meyer’s sister, speaking under condition of anonymity, consented to a brief interview with The Pondicherry Association News.

Meyer family, 1982.  Shane is pictured second from right.

Meyer family, 1982. Shane is pictured second from right.

BB: Tell us a little about yourself.
S:  You Know the apartments?
BB: Oh, yes, of course.
S:  Yeah, I manage them.
BB: So, can you tell us anything about Shane’s disappearance?
S:  Shane and I don’t have a lot of contact.  He disapproves of my lifestyle with the apartments and I disapprove of plantains.  Nevertheless, I got an unsigned letter about a month ago that appeared to be in his handwriting.
BB: What did it say?
S: It just said some nasty things about the apartments.  I knew then that it was Shane.
BB: Do you think he faked his death?
S: Maybe. You’ll have to wait to hear what Geez-Temples [sic] says.
BB: What does Aunt Pam think? Everybody really wants to know what’s going on with Aunt Pam. (Belvedere began gyrating lewdly).
S: Aunt Pam disapproves of the apartments. And I disapprove of her craft-stuffed home. We don’t speak.
BB: You tell Aunt Pam that I have no problem crafting it up. Any time, any place. Hell, I’ll craft it up in a pile of garbage if Aunt Pam’s there.
S: Alright.

The interview suddenly became disorganized and succumbed under a vast, unmentionable pressure.

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