Home > Royer's Madcap Experiences > Royer Introduces New Dog, Claims He is a Vampire

Royer Introduces New Dog, Claims He is a Vampire

September 5, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Marles Cundiff
Lankville Lakes Region Attache
File photo

Incarcerated executive Ric Royer introduced his new dog, a gorgeous collie, at a press conference held today at the Foontz-Flonnaise Home of Abundant Senselessness.  He then stated that the dog is also a vampire.

“He’s a vampire mostly in the evenings,” said Royer, who was wearing a thin, muslin robe with a hard, chocolate-colored outer covering.  “The body of an antic gravedigger, killed during the war and forced to walk the earth in a vampiric state, has taken over this dog.  I have to be very careful at sundown.”

When asked if this was the sort of terrible perturbation that made owning the pet intolerable, Royer leaned over and stroked the dog’s haunches lovingly.  “No, no.  I could never part with Mr. Chops.”

Royer claims that Mr. Chops is kept locked in a secure coffin during the night and is fed the blood of dead Foontz-Flonnaise patients intravenously.

“By morning, he exhibits the energy of a jackrabbit– ready for long walks about the grounds.”

Mr. Chops sat stupidly by the executive’s side during the press conference, staring languidly and emptily at the assembly.

Royer, who has been incarcerated for over a year, is expected to be released this fall.

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