Royer’s Madcap Experiences: The Chill of the Institution

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Royer’s Madcap Experiences: The Chill of the Institution

October 8, 2013 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Ric Royer

File photo

I pulled into the parking lot of a large institution– might have been a University, might have been a Pappy’s Chicken. It was impossible to tell.

There was some mail on the passenger seat. Bunch of fat bank statements, bills, important-looking notifications– I rolled down the window a bit and dropped these out. There was also a large brown envelope. I tore it open violently to find an old wrestling magazine. I hadn’t remembered ordering it but was pleased nonetheless. As the sun came up, I read an article on small motel girl wrestling. I found myself rooting for Kendra but, as it turned out, she was vanquished in the end. I threw the magazine into the backseat.

I walked across the parking lot and entered an anodyne brick and glass structure. There were some tables and the pungent odor of biscuits wafted over me but there were also some classrooms. I had no idea what was going on.

I noticed a brunette in the corner reading an oversized textbook. There was something familiar about her.

And I thought: “How can I make her love me?”

Time passed. I was brought some biscuits. “Do I pay you?” I asked the waitress. She said nothing. It seemed, for all intents and purposes, that I was invisible.

A man-boy walked through the door. He was carrying a gigantic skateboard. He sat down next to my brunette. He was loud and raucous but she seemed impressed. They went outside together and she watched him perform a series of little stunts with a wood box and an orange cone. I threw up into the biscuits.

The waitress came back. “She will suck him,” she noted suddenly. She seemed to stare at nothing at all, not even the incredible tableau of vomit, biscuits and wax paper. “You could take her textbook as revenge. It’s just sitting there on the table. There is a grand assumption that it will be safe, a grand assumption made by these lovers. You could teach them a lesson far greater than anything learned in a classroom.” Then, she walked away.

I took the textbook. It was worth $50.

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