Ric Royer’s Recipe for Thanksgiving Larded Roast Hare
By Ric Royer
File photo
Incarcerated business magnate and sports club owner Ric Royer (who elected to use his given name for this recipe) is not just an innovative executive. He is also quite the gastronome. He shared with The Lankville Daily News his recipe for Thanksgiving Larded Roast Hare.
“Well, we’re going to skin, draw and truss the little motherfucker,” said Royer, from the kitchens at the Foontz-Flonnaise Home of Abundant Senselessness. “Then, you want to lard the back fillets with finely-cut lardons and braise them in a sauce Irlandaise. While you’re doing that, you want to get a square piece of buttered wax paper and just roast the holy hell out of it for twenty minutes. Just incinerate the bejesus out of it. Then, we’ll remove the paper, meanwhile keeping it well-basted, remove the strings, the cheese cloth and the clippers and serve the whole load of bullshit up on a hot dish.
Have the Irlandaise sauce ready to go in one of those old god damn sauceboats. Make a fucking mess of it with watercress– just pummel it diabolically and serve it up with some trenches de jambon aux tomates.
Christ’s ass, it makes a big bitch of a meal, I’ll tell you. You get some of that green gooseberry sauce on the side and you can write yourself a fucking ticket to the goddamn moon.”
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The Kum Back Inn in the Lankville Desert Area has long been serving road-weary travelers. They feature a restaurant (with cocktails) and two spacious conference rooms. The Kum Back boasts 65 units-- each including window dressing, some chairs and a larger chair (seats two smallish children), a bed with orange comforter, a plastic trash can, clever paintings, and a windowless door. TV also available in 17 (sometimes 19) rooms. Most of the rooms are air-conditioned. Oscillating fans available upon request. Illuminated carports will protect your vehicle from the vicious sudden dust storms that often overtake the Desert Area and the wild thieves that occasionally parade across the landscape like some unmentionable horror. Call now at TU-0780 and ask for Bud or Karen (married).
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