Home > 2012-13 Season > In Search of Aaron Tucker: A “Special” Piece

In Search of Aaron Tucker: A “Special” Piece

January 16, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Dick Oakes, Jr.
Senior Staff Writer
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Business magnate and sports team owner Aaron Tucker has agreed to meet me at Hoovers National Airport on his home island of Hoover. I’ve never heard of it. The plane ride is exceedingly long and tedious and I land slightly irritated and with a large sauce stain on my shirt.

I look around for Tucker but he has not yet arrived (he had promised to carry a gigantic sign with my name on it– “I’ll make it out of large posterboard,” he says excitedly over the phone). I watch the other passengers greet their spouses and girlfriends– many kiss or embrace passionately– several immediately fornicate. I hang around for an hour but Tucker does not show. The waiting area is now empty. An intercom announces, “Pumpkins. Pumpkins arriving.” I have no idea what to do.

I take a taxi to a nearby hotel and place a call to Tucker’s office. There is another long delay and finally a secretary with a hot voice snaps up the line. “I’m sorry sir, Mr. Tucker has gone to the airport to pick out a pumpkin.” I curse. “I was just at the airport.” “Well, I am sorry, sir.”

I decide to fish a bit.

“What does a pretty-sounding woman like you do in Hoover for nightlife?”

I meet the secretary in the hotel bar. She’s wearing a pencil skirt that is so tight that her fine heinie is clearly outlined. Two hours later, I’m rumpling that heinie upstairs. Afterwards, I take a look at some Hoover Island TV. It’s all shows about pumpkins. I can’t figure out what the hell is going on.

The phone rings. It’s Tucker.

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” he says. “Jesus, I got all caught up with this pumpkin thing.” I can clearly hear him pushing a pumpkin in the background. I try to ask him a few questions about his business ventures but he’s clearly distracted by the pumpkins. “How many pumpkins you got there?” I ask, looking for something to put into my story. “Oh, it’s just…there’s a lot…we….” He drops the phone. There is a lot of laughing and then, sudden thunderous cheering.

I take the next plane out of there.

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