Home > Lankville Action News: YES!, Royer's Madcap Experiences > Royer Calls Inner Hammer Mummy Story “Shifty Excreta”

Royer Calls Inner Hammer Mummy Story “Shifty Excreta”

January 25, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Brock Belvedere, Jr.   
The Lankville Action News YES! Team
Senior Staff Writer
File photo

In a reversal of customary roles, Lankville business magnate Ric Royer is going on record in stating that small pizza billionaire “Inner Hammer’s” recent mummy account is “shifty excreta”.  Mr. Hammer’s story appeared in The Lankville Daily News last Tuesday.

“It’s dung chips. It’s a story that has less value than a basket of dung chips,” stated Royer, who was interviewed in his new home, a shuttered retail space at Twin Removed Pines Mall in downtown Lankville. “It’s a sham that has been coated in a hardened, outer shell of feculence.”

Royer suddenly produced an ice cream cone that had a hardened shell of chocolate. “I got this at the foot court,” he noted. “It’s right down there,” he added, pointing vaguely outside the curtained glass doors.

Food court at Twin Removed Pines Mall.

Food court at Twin Removed Pines Mall.

A shadowy figure suddenly appeared from behind the curtain and Royer demanded quiet and that the lights be dimmed. “It’s that Kites guy [manager of the mall]. He doesn’t want me living in the mall. I’m avoiding him.”

Once Kites disappeared, Royer continued.

“My Experiences are based on a lifetime of travel, interesting moments, sexual intimacy, and food. But Inner Hammer is just a liar. If there are mummies then I would be seeing them at the mall. And I haven’t.”

Royer paused.

He then asked, “You haven’t seen any mummies at the mall, have you?”

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