Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Beast Appears

Beast Appears

February 7, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Bernie Keebler

By Bernie Keebler

A beast appeared today, sources are confirming.

“I was lying in my bra and panties by the window when I first saw it,” noted witness Lisa Sisters-Pulldrawers. “I did not cover myself but merely let out a horrific scream. I had just time enough to paint a picture of the horrible creature.”

According to Sisters-Pulldrawers, the beast then took off towards the East.

Lisa Sisters-Pulldrawers had just enough time to executive this crude painting of the alleged beast.

Lisa Sisters-Pulldrawers had just enough time to executive this crude painting of the alleged beast.

Lankville conspiracy theorists and millenarians are already attributing the appearance of the beast to the election of Albert C. Pondicherry, Jr.

“If you look into the background of Pondicherries [sic], you’ll know about his secret late-night meetings, the various ritualistic scars that he bears upon his body, his interest in mysterious back rooms,” noted local lunatic Edvard Collins, from his darkened, book-lined study. “This beast appeared in Lankville to remind us of our terrible misfortune in having him elected. I only worry that now it’s too late.”

As of press time, the beast has not been located.

“We’re looking for it,” noted Detective Gee-Temple, who was standing in some tall grass. “It’s a process.”

  1. archibaldo ditt
    February 7, 2014 at 12:39 pm

    what are these police doing, nowadays? they can’t even care about a awful beast? that woman should run for her life, i hope it doesnt come in my neighborhood or i’ve got a shotgun!

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