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Pondicherry Hospitalized; Discusses Hobbies

February 10, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
Gump Tibbs

By Gump Tibbs

Newly sworn-in President Albert Pondicherry, Jr. became violently ill last night and had to be hospitalized. The President was in good spirits this morning, however, and entertained reporters with an account of his favorite hobby.

President Pondicherry, Jr. has a peculiar hobby.

President Pondicherry, Jr. has a peculiar hobby.

“Bra-snapping in my roomy pants,” Pondicherry answered unequivocally when asked. “I put on a pair of extremely roomy pants. I like to have a lot of room in the waist, groin and around the top of the thighs. Then I go out to a place where I know there will be a preponderance of elegant older women shopping for objets d’art. I feign interest in the same objet d’art. I try to horn in on the objet d’art, you know, to make them feel a little bit uncomfortable. As they turn away, I grab their bra from behind and snap it powerfully.”

“Oh my friends, it is a wonderful, wonderful, exquisite experience.”

The President ejaculated a booming, joyous laugh before reporters were escorted out of the room by a surly nurse.

The nature of Pondicherry’s illness is currently unknown.

  1. Cathilda Burnside
    February 11, 2014 at 11:35 am

    I am a pensioner in Old North Lankville and, I have to say that the hobby described here is despicable and upsetting. I think I have seen this man lurking around the cases at Maury’s Jewelry and Bail Bonds downtown. From now on I am shopping for my finery outside of Lankville. One daubs one’s brow.

  2. Maury's Jewelry and Bail Bonds
    February 11, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    While I admit that we have a TON of lurkers in our store, you can rest assured that you will be safe if you’re old at Maury’s.

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