Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Pondicherry: “I’m a Levi-Straussian Totemist…and a Gay Bozo”

Pondicherry: “I’m a Levi-Straussian Totemist…and a Gay Bozo”

February 11, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Larry "God" Peters

By Larry “God” Peters

Following several hours of television and restrained puzzles, hospitalized President Albert C. Pondicherry, Jr. entertained Lankville Daily News reporters with exploits of his intellectual adventures.

“Well, I’m a Levi-Straussian totemist, of course,” said Pondicherry, who also spent the morning snapping bras and creating complex messes in the nurse’s station. “In the Manido System, we have eagles, geese and the chthonian snakes. Sometimes birds are invoked in my special breed of sexual totemism. The woodpecker and the superb warbler become symbols of how my sex and my liquids of life relate to the plant kingdom.”

Blurry image of President Pondicherry.

Blurry image of President Pondicherry

“I’m also a gay bozo,” the President added.

When pressed further about this comment, Pondicherry immediately alighted on the subject of brush piles. “Have you seen the new offerings from the Hadbawnik Company? They have ascended to the apogee of their business with these new piles– it is a splendid, towering achievement.”

After wolfing down a carafe of viscous coffee and a plate of steamed little pizzas, Pondicherry continued. “In the sexual totemist world, the sorcerer (who is Me) exhibits a tamed animal as proof of his power. The animal then lends its services to the sorcerer, by becoming a spy and finding out which of the upstarts has the most exuberant member. If a masculine totem becomes injured in this manner, for example, if a tent collapses, then the entire sexual group feels insulted and a dispute will likely ensue.”

Pondicherry then requested an additional plate of little pizzas but was denied by a surly nurse. “Ah, but I strapped her bra earlier,” he said, confidently. “She will not deny me later.”

The President refused to answer questions about his health, referring to such inquiries as “meatless bagatelles” and “streamless micturations”.

He is expected to be released sometime next week.

  1. Chileanmonk
    February 11, 2014 at 5:34 pm

    Totems? how kemosabe!

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