Home > Royer's Madcap Experiences > Royer’s Madcap Experiences: It Was Orange…and Emitted Vapors!

Royer’s Madcap Experiences: It Was Orange…and Emitted Vapors!

February 11, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Ric Royer

By Ric Royer

When I first saw the Thing, it was throwing a car into a ravine. It stood as tall as a large building, its center completely amorphous. It emitted an eerie yellow vapor and it appeared to have the strength of something superhuman– indeed, when it was done with the car-hurling it moved to a nearby train trestle and crushed it easily with its fist.

This girl I was seeing and occasionally having boring intercourse with, let out a loud scream. LOOK AT THAT HORRIBLE THING! LOOK AT IT!  I laughed and stared her down.  There was an old clamshell bucket that someone had left to rust by a barn.  “Go sit in that,” I told her.  She did as I said.

The next thing was to figure out how to bring the orange beast down.   A piece of paper blew against my shin.  I picked it up– would it yield a clue to the mystery of the terrible monster?  And I read:  “it also has 2 fish crates with fish in them!  Just add a delivery figure and you have a great delivery scene…”  I tore it apart in frustration.  And then the beast was upon me.

Artist's rendering.

Artist’s rendering

Later, I would realize how lucky I was. If not for that senseless hole, I would certainly have perished. I climbed in and waited until the monster had satiated his mad, violent desires by destroying a series of nearby homes. Then he went away, I think. I don’t care really.

After that, I traveled into the Lankville back country– an area called “the Forest Quarter”. There were a series of fallen towns that had been destroyed during the Depths War; bereft stone walls and a series of windowless parish houses were all that remained. I stopped at a graveyard– the stones had mostly been lifted and replaced with little advertising placards. Still, I was able to locate several relatives. I didn’t know or remember any of them and yet, it was calming to stand there, reading my last name again and again.

I was suddenly hungry. Although nothing lived in this ancestral town, I managed to find a Pappy’s Chicken on the outskirts. I ordered a bucket. The guy behind the counter asked about the orange monster.

“You don’t wanna’ know about that fucking shit,” I said, allowing the chicken grease to run down my chin. “You’re better off right here. That thing is a nightmare.”

I ordered some fries.

“Just regular fries?” the guy asked.

“Yep. Fix ’em up in bacon fat, would you?”

“I can do that. We don’t have napkins, I’ll warn you now. But there’s a little pond out back.”

“Yeah, fine.”

The guy put on a little TV. Nothing came in from the cities.

I finished off the chicken and then went to the pond. Night came.

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