Home > Brock Belvedere's Notebook, Lankville Action News: YES! > Pondicherry, Jr. Named President

Pondicherry, Jr. Named President

February 7, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
Brock Belvedere

By Brock Belvedere

Albert C. Pondicherry, Jr. was named President of Lankville last night, as expected.

A junta, which consisted of several Lankville business magnates and a small armed force, elected the 38-year old son of the recently-deceased President in a landslide.

“A consensus was reached. Lankville has a new leader,” noted Decorative Ham tycoon Chris Vitiello, who gave a short press conference outside a “Horn of Comfy Hotel” in Eastern Lankville where the election was held. “Doubtless, you pusillanimous miscreants will begin filling the pages of your various newspapers with the usual bathos.” Vitiello scanned the room slowly. “I should whip you all,” he noted.

The Lankville Daily News is lusciously delighted beyond measure to present the first exclusive interview with President Pondicherry.

BB:  You will be replacing your father as  President.  Big shoes to fill?

Albert C. Pondicherry, Jr.

Albert C. Pondicherry, Jr.

AP: We’ll see. I’m not healthy enough for any sort of sexual activity.
BB: You were your father’s assistant for many years so I take it that you know the in’s and out’s of Lankville.
AP: I know about the in’s and out’s, I’m just not healthy enough for it.
BB: What do you think possessed your father? Why did he cuss at the lion?
AP: You can take a warmed sponge, lovingly apply it to the nape of a woman or man’s neck, press gently, and watch the stream cascade down their back until it arrives in that gorgeous, esoteric reality just above the haunches. It’s good if you have either candles or a hard film light as it will flicker and glow in the water. Your choice.
BB: Do you intend to make any changes during your Presidency?
AP: Find yourself some long, brown, grape-flavored cigarettes. Over dinner, suddenly light one up. Blow the smoke slowly into a woman or man’s face. Flick the cigarette away without breaking their gaze. Don’t worry if it burns someone. The world has suddenly become very small, there is a flash followed by several low concussions. That is the sound of their heart.
BB: Are you…?
AP: Find the mouth of a great underwater cave. Rip off the bikini or tight zebra-patterned trunks of your lover. Say, “What do you think I am, baby– a pervert? It’s just an expression I use.”
BB: Thank you. Lot of things going on right now in Lankville, huh?
AP: I’m not sure.

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