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Royer’s Madcap Experiences: The Western Town

February 7, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
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By Ric Royer

I pulled off the Interstate after a long drive and searched around for a hotel. I decided on a place called “Slumberland”– it was bereft of cars and ramshackle but the colorful sign tickled my fancy. Also, there was a girl with giant tits sunning herself outside the office. I got wood immediately.

I paid $29.95 for a room on the end, overlooking a ditch and a runoff. I crossed at the busy intersection, entered a strip mall hardware store and purchased the biggest pipe wrench I could buy. Then, I picked up a roast, some baked beans in a can and a bottle of box wine. Then, I went back to my room.

I picked the mattress up off the bed frame and heaved it against the windows. It blocked out the diminishing sunlight perfectly. Then, I busted up the frame and dragged the pieces out into the runoff. That cleared the middle of the room.

The Slumberland Motel has beds!

The Slumberland Motel has beds!

I moved the table over and covered it with a bed sheet. Then, I prepared the meal over a fire I set in the bathtub. Everything was cooked to perfection.

I went back outside. The girl had put on a thin robe and was just packing up her portable chaise-lounge and her little plastic table.

“You own this place?” I asked in a slightly threatening manner.
“No,” she said quietly. She offered little else.
“Well, I got a roast, some beans and some box wine in there, just going to waste.” I jiggled my hips a bit.
“I’m vegetarian,” she said. She bent over slightly though, giving me a pretty fair look at the goods.
“Fuck that. You’ll eat the roast.”
There was a long silence. Traffic had died down and the sun was disappearing over the hills.
“OK. I will.”
“Yeah.”

She followed me back to the room. I pulled her chair out for her.
“I’ll be right back.”

I took the pipe wrench and went to the bathroom. I dismantled the u-pipe from beneath the sink and turned the water on full blast. It wasn’t long before it flowed out into the main room.

“It’s like we’re dining on top of a river,” she said excitedly.
“Yep, I think of everything baby.” I shoved some roast into her mouth.

We ate for awhile but then I got sick of it and dumped the table. She moved her chair back quickly, a fork of beans still in her hand.

“Sorry, baby. But the big train is pulling into town right about now.”

It was a long night.

  1. Cornelius Spottiswoode
    March 12, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    I know that girl. She works at Lululu’s Elkhead Shop. Dated my brother Vercingetorix for a while before he shipped out to Fallujah.

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