Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Lankville Merchants Claim Shoplifting Epidemic; Pondicherry Probes

Lankville Merchants Claim Shoplifting Epidemic; Pondicherry Probes

By Bernie Keebler Senior Staff Writer

By Bernie Keebler
Senior Staff Writer

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS, YES!

 

Merchants across Lankville are in agreement that a shoplifting epidemic is gripping the nation.

“Everyone in the strip mall is getting hit hard,” noted Dot Peg, owner of the Eastern Lankville Craft Barn. “Our inventory for last month is unable to account for 698 items, 12 fixtures and an entire shelving unit. We can only put the blame on shoplifters at this point.”

Surprisingly, police records in the capital and surrounding towns show only one arrest on the books for the month of June, despite general agreement among merchants that losses were heaviest during that period.

“It’s not on our radar,” noted Detective Gee-Temple from his spacious offices at the Lankville City Courthouse. “We haven’t had any calls or, at least, we haven’t answered any. But it’s something we might be able to look into.”

Dot Peg, owner of The Craft Barn.

Dot Peg, owner of The Craft Barn.

A group of merchants have taken the complaint straight to President Pondicherry, who promised a probe just before leaving for his summer vacation.

In a short speech from a battered lectern on someone’s lawn, Pondicherry stated, “we will probe this. If the initial probe fails to reveal anything, the probe will be extended.”

Still, detectives feel that there are very few professional thieves in Lankville.

“It’s tempting, I’m sure,” noted Gee-Temple, who reached to close some blinds which, unfortunately, fell to the floor in a clatter of twisted ersatz wood. “It looks like it would be easy and it actually is easy,” added Gee-Temple, after he pushed the collapsed blinds beneath a nearby bookshelf. “It’s very easy to steal from most stores,” Gee-Temple reiterated.

In the meantime, many merchants plan to add special techniques to catch shoplifters and initiate special training among their employees to stop the rogues.

“It’s shoot to kill at The Craft Barn now,” noted Peg. “The nonsense ends today.”

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