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Boat Authorized

Larry "God" Peters

Larry “God” Peters



Purchase of a $6,000 boat has been authorized, sources are confirming.

The Lankville Pines Board of Recreation Supervisor Tuxedo Chrissy will purchase the boat with funds to come from a $10,000 budget set up for the department of parks and recreation. The supervisor specified that the boat will be operated on reservoirs throughout the Pines.

Tuxedo Chrissy, Supervisor

Tuxedo Chrissy, Supervisor

Although the boat will remain under the direct supervision of the board, Lankville National Statistician Ernst Conde said that the boat will probably be assigned to the sheriff’s office. Conde said the board is still shopping for the boat but plans to buy an aluminum hull. “It will be a versatile boat. They can use it to rescue people and also for patrolling,” Conde advised. Conde’s head suddenly morphed to the shape of a summer squash and the statistician had to be carried to the nearest hospital.

Questioned by The Lankville Daily News on the matter, Tuxedo Chrissy advised, “Well, we gotta’ have this boat, OK. You come up with one thing, I come up with another and if we can’t get the two to meet, well then we’re gonna’ have a problem.”

Tuxedo Chrissy bristled at the idea of the boat being assigned to the sheriff’s office.

“He just got that $900 for air conditioners. I’m keeping that boat. That boat is rightfully mine.”

742 people have died in Lankville reservoirs in the past year.

“Bit of a spike,” noted Detective Gee-Temple, who was surprised by the figure. “Hopefully, that boat will help. It usually helps.”

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