Home > Feelings by Dr. Kevin Thurston > Dr. Kevin Thurston Answers Your Questions

Dr. Kevin Thurston Answers Your Questions

Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.


Dear Dr. Thurston,

I have trouble connecting with women. I get nervous and I vomit when they’re around. What can do I do?

Nervous and Vomity
Lankville Desert Area


Dear Nervous and Vomity,

It’s important first of all to always keep breathing. Breathe deeply and from the stomach. Continue to breathe like this whenever you’re around a woman. The second thing that is important is to always express your feelings. This can be anything from, “I don’t like these pizzas, I’m sending them back” to “When we made love, I saw a big, beautiful female moon from which I gained my energy.” As long as you’re honest and straightforward, you should never be afraid. If you are still afraid, I do have some polo shirts available– three pack for $9.99. The plastic wrap is a little torn and someone crossed out the brand name but otherwise they’re as good as new.


Dear Dr. Thurston,

Is it OK to steal mail?

(Name and address withheld)



I have an old Islander woman/saint for whom I feel great devotion (we used to date a little) who once said to me, “It is and it isn’t, and neither is it nor is it not.”   She was filled as much with wisdom as with love though, frankly, a little more wisdom than love.  Take heed of these words.  And if you do decide to stop stealing mail (and maybe even give some of it back), I have some plastic tubs that came without tops that would be ideal.  $10 a pair.


Dear Dr. Thurston,

Is there some sort of method by which I can take one sudden leap to the mountaintop rather than the slow-ass winding journey that I’m getting really tired of and not learning anything from?

Tired of Walking
Southern Savannah Portions


Dear Tired,

You must continue on the slow, winding path.  For it is a journey– a wonderful journey of exploration, learning about feelings, fear and joy.  We must offer ideals but we also must suggest ways to attain these ideals.  You are on the right path– do not tarry.  And right now, for your journey, I have a real nice mismatched luggage set– a little dented and one of the cases used to have a bunch of police-confiscated weapons in it but otherwise it’s gorgeous.  Must be seen to be appreciated, $59.99.

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