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The First Time I Met Dr. Thurston

March 31, 2017 Leave a comment

By Brock Belvedere

The first time I met Dr. Thurston (expert on men’s feelings) was on a rainy Sunday in late fall, sort of a miserable day. Still, Dr. Thurston was wearing jeans shorts.

“Are you not cold in your jeans shorts?” I asked.

“No,” he said. “I am not feeling cold. I am not feeling that.”

We went to a breakfast place. It was 9 A.M. but they had a band playing. Couple of guys on trumpets and another guy playing a pump organ that had been shoved awkwardly into an alcove by the bathrooms.

Dr. Thurston ordered pancakes. I pretended to look over the menu (for effect) but ended up ordering pancakes too. See, I knew all along that that’s what I wanted. I could feel it.

“I’m going to text you,” Dr. Thurston said suddenly. He removed a lime green flip phone from the pocket of his jeans shorts.

“Why? We’re right here, talking to each other.”
“No, it’s better this way. Is your phone on vibrations?”
“Yes.”
“This is going to be great, it really is.”

Dr. Kevin Thurston: Expert on Men’s Feelings

I felt the vibrations through my pants (they were jeans, but standard-length jeans). I removed my lime green flip phone from the pocket. The face said, “Incoming text from Dr. Kevin Thurston- Expert on Men’s Feelings.”

I opened the phone. The text read, “DISCOVER FEELINGS.” It was all in caps, just like that.

“Thanks, Dr. Thurston, I guess I will.”

“Don’t delete that text,” he said. “Even if you get a new phone, make sure to send it to the new phone before canceling service on the old phone. I want it to be your first text when you get a new phone. Even if you have to do it while you’re standing at the counter of the phone kiosk. Just make sure, alright?”

“Ok, Dr. Thurston- will do.”

He drummed his fingers on the table.

“Listen, I’ll be frank– I’m a little concerned about that text,” he said. “You will do what I said? Because, frankly, I’m looking at you and I’m not seeing a guy that’s good at things. I’m sorry, but you needed to hear that.”

“No, really, I will.”

“Promise?”

“I do.”

The pancakes came then. Mine were runny in the middle. They had also run out of syrup suddenly.

But Dr. Thurston’s were good. “Best I’ve ever had,” he said. I believed him.

Creating a Feelings Center by Dr. Kevin Thurston

October 7, 2016 1 comment
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By Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

For the Ancient Lankvillian, any place of peace could be a place of worship.

Dr. Kevin Thurston (expert on men’s feelings) has taken this concept to a higher plane.

A plane of feelings where all feelings are emanated through a series of steadily denser stages, becoming increasingly more material until they become a force that ultimately creates a Feelings Center®.

It sounds difficult. Abstract. Like something the average man with average feelings cannot possibly achieve. Dr. Kevin Thurston is here to tell you that you absolutely can. And you will if you utilize your Thurston Advanced Topics handout (available as a PDF for $5.99), you (the feeler) will be able to frame all things that constitute our Universe into your own personal Feelings Center®.

Your Feelings Center® could be along the brambly shores of Lankville Falls at sunset (my personal preference) or it could be in your club basement or it could even be at your workplace. Many forward-thinking offices are now setting aside a small space for such purposes. Dr. Kevin Thurston is available for consultations — call for rates, they are seasonal.

Every Feelings Center® should and must be a center of comfort. With that aim in mind, I have some pale green beanbag chairs available for $29.99 each. There are a couple of scratch and dent chairs wherein the stuffing has exploded from the side– these are just $11.99 each and come with a repair kit.  Quantities limited.

And remember, Dr. Kevin Thurston (expert in men’s feelings) is always here for you. I am only a few phone calls away.

Hushed Moments with Dr. Kevin Thurston

February 17, 2016 Leave a comment
Dr. Thurston 4

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

Men’s lives are hectic.

That’s why it’s important to make time for a few “hushed moments” every day. Dr. Kevin Thurston (expert on men’s feelings) is here to help you achieve this.

I’d like you to imagine that every moment has a feeling attached to it (because it does). You may be feeling anger, rage, disappointment, or complete and total lack of sexual fulfillment. But that’s alright. A hushed moment is your balm.

Find a room or a shed that can be your “hushed moments place”. Remove everything from this place– there should be no distractions. Soon, there will be a hushed moment closet in the offices of Dr. Kevin Thurston but I am currently bartering with the contractors on a proper method of payment. I’ve got some really good seasonal items right now. It’s just a matter of hammering out a deal.

Many of you may say– “Dr. Thurston (expert on men’s feelings), I cannot find my way to that room, closet or shed of calm where the hushed moments happen.” This is common. But we all must make a series of terrible mistakes, many of which are life-altering, boring or stupid, in order to find our road map. But you will know when you have arrived at your destination when the “old you” is no longer recognizable and a new man with new feelings has been born.

I also have a portable GPS navigator (not updated since 2012) that I can let go for $29.99 if you weren’t speaking metaphorically.

Give yourself a pat on the back for wanting to feel better, for desiring the hushed moments.

It’s going to be okay.

Feelings by Dr. Kevin Thurston

February 1, 2016 Leave a comment
kevin large

Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

A crucial component of the Thurston Method is to attend a “Feelings Meeting”. These are held in my office on a monthly basis, generally on Saturday evenings. Men are encouraged to bring their own folding chairs and engage in “heart wisdom” and to also have a look at some of the new things I have for sale– kerosene lanterns (set of three), $19.99, pancake maker from TV, $14.99, bunch of other stuff.

After a short airing of grievances section, we begin the Feelings Meetings with a series of warm-up exercises that include “Slow Motion Dive”, “Needle Practice”, and “The Lunge”. You will be able to feel the stress leave your body at this point but because of the thick glass blocks designed to prevent the theft of electronics and collectibles in my office, the stress will unfortunately remain in the room and be with us for the rest of our session. I try to view this as a good thing because we may be able to occasionally visualize the collective stresses and merge them into one humongous stress, however you will need to see my Thurston Advanced Topics handout for more information on how to accomplish this high-level step in the Thurston Method.

Participants are then each asked individually: “how are you feeling right now?” As each man attempts to answer the question, I will quietly go around and offer certain items that may help to alleviate specific smaller stresses: expandable flexible compact garden hose, $21.99, novelty singing parakeet, $14.99, 12 pack of latex caulk, $17.99. This part of the session burns up most of our time together. However, right at the end, we will talk about “Power Journeys”. These are journeys of discovery, humiliation and hiding that take place once a year at some pyramids in Eastern Lankville. Our 2016 Power Journey will take place in March. I have a nice luggage set available right now that would be perfect for the Journey, $99.99, brown.

Snacks and beverages (limited) are generally available after the session.

I’m Thankful…for Men

November 25, 2015 Leave a comment
By Dr. Kevin Thurston

By Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

I’m thankful…for men.

What does that mean, Dr. Thurston? (that’s you asking). It means that any true empowering of one’s presence requires the acknowledgement of one’s own vulnerability. And there is no better time than the holidays to become vulnerable. Breakthroughs only occur after fear, horrific dread and naked, quaking vulnerability. And after giving thanks.

One exercise in your Thurston Methods workbook (just $19.99, $29.99 with online access code) is to draw a large cube on a piece of poster board. You will now fill that cube with all the things for which you are thankful. I’d like to draw a circle, a patient of mine once suggested. Although I was thankful for his advice, I made it quite clear that the shape would be a cube because it’s outlined in the workbook. Editing the workbook would require a reprinting that would raise its suggested retail price thereby preventing me from passing on savings to my patients. You can’t have it both ways.

I put my hands together in a pacific manner and watched as the men filled in their cubes. When the task was completed, I asked the men how they felt. Many were reticent to speak up. “You leave this exercise as a man who is now grounded in his confidence across the most important domains of life,” I offered.

You sure ’bout that? said one man (he had been assigned to my office to satisfy some court-ordered anger management hours. All we did was drew a cube an’ wrote a bunch of crap. I squatted (I always find this effective) and completed a Thurston Breathing Exercise. “Tell me about that?” I asked.

Jus’ saying. Jus’ a cube an’ whatever.

“They say we only use about 10% of the intelligence we have in our brains. I believe that’s because 80% lies in our bodies. And there’s also another 10% that just floats away, but that’s a subject for another session,” I noted.

He seemed confused but he did draw a nice cube.

Feelings by Dr. Kevin Thurston: You Are My Halloween Costume

October 30, 2015 Leave a comment

thurston shirt 2Dr. Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

You are my halloween costume.

What does that mean? you might think. You cannot wear me Dr. Thurston, expert on men’s feelings. I am a MAN.

Exactly.

That was my point.

You are my Halloween costume, I am your Halloween costume. We men are all interchangeable.

I want you to imagine a series of small hills (now is the time to practice your Thurston Advanced Method Breathing Techniques). Imagine you are moving slowly over those hills– each rise, each fall should coincidence with your breath. Imagine the endless but horrific sky above. Let everything fall away. I have some lovely woven baskets to catch everything. They have a nice chunky open cross-weave, rich natural color variations and angled, wrapped handles– these are real artisanal, satchel-shaped baskets. Available in three sizes, $29.99.

You will arrive naked and relaxed at the final hill.

Additional sessions available upon request.

I Want to Be Your Feelings Coach

September 23, 2015 Leave a comment
Dr. Thurston at one of his recent Feelings Seminars.

Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

 

I am Dr. Kevin Thurston, the Men’s Coach.

Surprised? Don’t be. After all, they have coaches for things like basketball teams and female aerobics. Why not a Men’s Coach? A Men’s Destiny Coach? A Feelings Coach™? All of these things are possible– all that is needed is ME and YOU.

Right now, in a local gymnasium, Dr. Kevin Thurston is holding “The 1st Annual Men’s Feelings Coaching Caucus”. This will be your opportunity to have some eternal men’s questions answered for the first time in a setting of comfort, joy and tumbling mats. What does it mean to be a man?, How do I find other men to be in my life?, How can I tell my own personal life-story/write my own personal life-book? The 1st Annual Men’s Feelings Coaching Caucus will answer all these questions and more. It will be like drinking liquid inspiration from a firehose and there will be also be some 64-ounce dual-threaded water jugs for sale– for use for both the left and right-handed. $9.99, good deal. Nobody is excluded.

The Caucus will close with an after-party that you will never forget. I will coach you through the process of casting aside fear and learning to accept your brothers as we together experience an epic night of bonding, reframing, and light refreshments. You’ll be added to an exclusive blog site where you will remain in contact with Men for the rest of your life.

If you were to pay for extensive one-on-one feelings coaching programs with speakers and group leaders like Dr. Kevin Thurston, you would expect to pay thousands of dollars. If you were to spend your life trying to interpret your own feelings without a coach, you would spend much more and years, decades would pass by as you continued to search fruitlessly.

But at the Caucus you won’t spend tens of thousands. You won’t pay the $70,000 I’ve invested in myself to become a professional Feelings Coach™. You’ll pay only $795, plus any of the fabulous items you choose to buy that I have for sale and that I don’t intend on leaving with.

Sign-up for the Caucus today. Seats are limited but feelings are not.

Gump Penetrates

August 12, 2015 Leave a comment
Gump Tibbs

Gump Tibbs

It’s time for another penetrating interview with Gump Tibbs. Today, Gump interviews Lankville Daily News correspondent and Men’s Feelings Expert Dr. Kevin Thurston.

GUMP: So, Dr. Thurston, you have that little area in the paper where you write about men’s feelings?

KT: Thank you, Mister Fump. I do, occasionally, have an area where I write about how to reach inward so that eventually they can reach outward. However, I no longer believe in paper, so I only read online. That is to say, I’m not sure how much area I have in square inches.

GUMP: Absolutely wonderful! Do all men have feelings?

Dr. Thurston (left) with a men's.

Dr. Thurston (left) with the men’s.

KT: If you think of a number, men have at least that many feelings. If you think of a number, or perhaps a price is a better word, I will beat it. For example, on a leading national online retailer there is an exercise ball that is rated up to 2000lbs with a pump for $21.83. Not only is 2000lbs worth of feelings plenty of feelings, but it becomes even easier to unload your feelings on an exercise ball when you are paying $19.78.

GUMP: That’s just fabulous! Do women have feelings? And why?

KT:

GUMP: What a delight! Can feelings be passed on? Is that what ghosts are?

KT: There is a cycle that can occur from one man to another. Often the other man will be a son, but a neighboring boy will do.

GUMP: How do you see men’s feelings in 20 years time?

KT: Why, Mister Frump, feelings are an abstract concept, you can’t see them!

GUMP: Just exceptional! I hope we’re all alive in 20 years. Do you think we will be?

KT: On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

GUMP: Sensational! I’m going to fire some guns into the reservoir– want to come along?

KT: I have a great deal on some ammunitions.

Dr. Kevin Thurston Speaks on Radio

July 30, 2015 Leave a comment
Buck Igloos

By Buck Igloos

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

Dr. Kevin Thurston, expert on Men’s Feelings and Lankville Daily News columnist, made his radio debut yesterday on shortwave band 49m (5900 kHz), station WYYY out of Eastern Lankville. Noted announcer Pat Kewley was the host.

Dr. Thurston was interviewed for over fifteen minutes and offered diverse opinions on Men’s Feelings and also several new exciting items for sale.

“I was generally pleased with the interview,” noted Thurston, whose “Feelings Now” movement has been enormously popular. “You have to get the word out to the Men’s. You can’t just expect the Men’s to come to you. I’m all about utilizing technology to reach the Men’s and sell products, so this was exciting.”

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Dr. Thurston with men at one of his recent “Feelings Seminars”.

Kewley, an acclaimed interviewer, said that the show got off to a slow start but he was generally pleased with the final outcome.

“Before we went on the air, Dr. Thurston was really pushing me to buy this twenty-and-a-half foot cubic trailer that was attached to the back of his car,” Kewley averred. “He kept going on about the extra-large flotation tires that would cover the roughest terrain, the tilting bed that made dumping loads easy, the durable heavy-duty steel frame. I mean, I admit, I was kind of interested but it was getting really close to our airtime and I needed to move things along.”

“Afterwards though, I was kind of kicking myself for not picking it up,” Kewley added.

Station executives at WYYY said that the response to Dr. Thurston’s interview was overwhelming.

“The switchboard was lit up,” said show producer Gene Hazewood. “Men were eager to know more. I wanted to know more. It was good to connect with some of these men’s.”

The full broadcast can be heard here.

It’s Time to Inflate Your Feelings Tube

June 29, 2015 Leave a comment
Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

I want you to imagine yourself as a child with an inner tube around your waste about to frolic along the edge of the ocean waves. Listen to the calm crash of the surf, the timeless call of the pelicans, the simple but understated sound of a foam ice chest top being lifted and a sandwich produced. Let peace wash over you.

As you’ve grown to manhood, that inner tube is still there. Not literally (although, maybe for some– Dr. Kevin Thurston does not discriminate against any form of alternative lifestyle). It’s there as a tight tube of feelings around your chest, encircling your heart.

Often, as the years pass, that tube will become deflated. The feelings will slowly leak out and away into the ether. Or the tube will be suddenly crushed as your spirit (represented by the tube, remember) is flattened. This could be the cause of a divorce, the loss of employment, or the consistent rejection of your four-act, one-man wordless play. Life can deal one a bad hand.

But Dr. Kevin Thurston is here with a remedy. Together, we will inflate that feelings tube. We will pump it back into a ring of protection, happiness and manhood. Make an appointment with me today. Most men have forged a new tube of positive feelings by session eight. I know you can too.

I also have actual inner tubes available featuring bright, inviting colors for a fun day at the beach. Transparent, smooth seam to prevent skin irritation. $9.99 for the pair.

On My Webinar and My Summit by Dr. Kevin Thurston

May 11, 2015 Leave a comment
Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

Last Saturday saw the debut of my new webinar, “It’s Alright to Cry”. And this coming Saturday I will be hosting the 1st Annual Men’s Feelings Summit in the back lodge of the Casa Montecristo.

It is a good time to discuss men’s feelings.

Indeed, no time has ever been better. Right now, men want to talk, cry and cower more than ever before. And Dr. Thurston is there for you. And because of the magic of the internet, I can be there for you any time of the day or night (for just $19.99– make sure you enable your cookies).

My webinar makes an important and just statement. It calls for an end to the suppression of men’s feelings. While you watch my webinar, I want you release everything. It may be a few days of frustration or it may be decades upon decades of horror. Let it all out. It’s alright to cry. It is.

A still from my new webinar, "It's Alright to Cry".

A still from my new webinar, “It’s Alright to Cry”.

I recommend following up our private session (I want you to think of the webinar as being created exclusively for YOU) by attending the Summit. Here, you will have the opportunity to meet other men (and women who are friends of men’s feelings) and also to have a look at some of the wonderful items I’ve picked up recently– quilted outdoor pillows (none matching) $19.99 each, ultra high efficiency laundry detergent, $12.99, box of scissors still factory-wrapped, $3.99 each, bunch of great stuff.

So, don’t delay. There is limited space in the back lesser lodge at the Casa Montecristo. But more importantly, there is limited space in your emotional psyche for more pain. Cleanse now, cleanse today with Dr. Kevin Thurston.

Expert in men’s feelings.

This article has been paid for by Dr. Kevin Thurston.

The Man I Was by Dr. Kevin Thurston

April 16, 2015 Leave a comment
Me as a Young Man

Me as a Young Man

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

The man I was. Just look at me.

I spent many days with that pillow shoved callously between my body and the side of that Queen Anne’s chair. A pillow was just a pillow then- back before I began to have sympathy for the feelings of all things. Now, it makes me terribly sad to look at such a cute inanimate object rejected like that. I wish the “me of now” could tell the “me of then” about the imminent years of horrifying relentless inner torment and the endless journeys of fear, discovery and self-reflection. Perhaps the “me of then” would not be so easily inclined to hoarding the “free space” of the chair. All space is free. No man may claim it.

Clearly, I did.

The “me of then” also smoked three packs of cigarettes of day. It was because he (I will go ahead and call him he– he is foreign to me now) needed succor and sustenance and he sought it in those now mysterious objects purchased by the carton late at night at distant gas stations. He would drive all night, polluting our common shared spaces with cigarette smoke– exhaling it all over trees, grass and, most importantly, all over feelings.

Fortunately, my addiction is now to my patients and to keeping them away from becoming boys like this. My patients are men, men with feelings– men with feelings who buy some of the nice things I currently have available– caller ID component, fits most standard telephones, $9.99, one of those ball shape toys for babies missing one shape, $9.99, lots of other great stuff.

Make an appointment today. Be the you of now, not the you of then.

This article has been paid for by Dr. Kevin Thurston, expert on men’s feelings.

My Recovery: A Physical and Spiritual Journey

March 12, 2015 Leave a comment
Dr. Kevin Thurston is in.

Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

Much more was broken than just my wrist when I slipped on that ice.  Much more.

And that’s why I attended a Warrior Training Adventure.

It was a group of about 30 men. In line with our commitment to ecological awareness, we were asked to utilize alternative methods of transportation to the training site. I rolled myself there in a wagon.

I was guided on my adventure by a bearded man in a sweater vest named Keith. Keith was not aware of my expertise on the subject matter of men’s feelings and, therefore, I had trouble respecting his methods. Nevertheless, other men may find some of the activities useful in working through some of their own physical or spiritual “fractures”.

DAY ONE OF THE ADVENTURE

The Separation: This is about moving away from the familiar. Keith elected to go with team-building exercises and a low ropes course (methods which are now generally regarded as antiquated) as well as indoor group exercises wherein the modern male psyche is purged of accountability, leadership, confrontation and competition. Dinner consisted of a light rice dish and some gelatin.

DAY TWO OF THE ADVENTURE

The Long Descent: An exploration of authentic male emotion, conflict, crying, purpose, and healthy restrained power. Keith elected to revisit the horrors of our individual lives (we went over time during this segment as I found that I couldn’t stop talking) and building connections to the challenges ahead. Lunch, which consisted of roughly-cut meats and uncooked roots, was hidden in the woods.

The Ordeal: A challenge to embrace full authentic masculinity, to step into raw power, and to experience the full potential of mature manhood. Keith elected to go with the “round cushion hunt”– a recreation of primal aggression and war (with the cushions replacing weapons) and we split into teams. Unfortunately, Keith gave me a bright orange pintuck cushion with button tufts that could be easily seen in the forest. I was captured almost immediately.

The Initiation: Accepting responsibility as a man among men. Exploration of group dynamics, diversity, more crying and similarity. A test of solidarity and trust (Keith elected to go with the hackneyed “falling into each other’s arms” exercise which I disagreed with). I also voiced my complaint about the round cushion hunt. As punishment, I was kept out of the first circle of men. Later, I wrote an obscene poem about Keith on a bathroom stall which I now regret.

DAY THREE OF THE ADVENTURE

The Integration: An exploration of legacy, connection, fear, purpose, relationships and intention. Understanding our connections to nature and men and feelings. All of which, I was unable to participate in because Keith found out about the poem.

The Joyous Ceremony: A feast of victory held on some picnic tables. I sat off on my own. Nevertheless, the fierce and rigorous self-examination has been beneficial to me. My wrist feels better and my feelings feel better.

We will be incorporating some of these methods in our next FEELINGS, NOW! session.

Men’s Feelings Expert Thurston Injured in Ice Mishap

March 10, 2015 Leave a comment
By Lloyd Byas-Kirk

By Lloyd Byas-Kirk

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

It’s been a difficult winter in Lankville and not even celebrities are safe. Lankville’s foremost expert in men’s feelings, Dr. Kevin Thurston, succumbed to gravity with an assist from ice last week shattering his wrist.

Dr. Kevin Thurston, expert in men's feelings, shortly before he fell on his wrist.

Dr. Kevin Thurston, expert in men’s feelings, shortly before he fell on his wrist.

When asked if he was going to refund ticket holders, or at least reschedule his upcoming FEELINGS, NOW! sessions, Dr. Thurston said, “My legal department is looking into it. If I don’t have to do anything, I won’t.” With his eyes still glazed by narcotics, Thurston did add, “when I’m done with this sling, it’ll be a very powerful relic to assist a man in carrying the heavy burden of modern life.”

Donations, flowers and large mylar balloons can be sent to Dr. Thurston, c/o Eastern Defoliated Area General Hospital, Rooms 457, 458 and the part of Room 459 that doesn’t have the old guy in it, Eastern Lankville, 215.

Feelings NOW! by Dr. Kevin Thurston

January 29, 2015 Leave a comment
Dr. Kevin Thurston is in.

Dr. Kevin Thurston is in.

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

For a long time, my column was just known as “Feelings”. That is because there was then no sense of urgency. Things have changed, however. We have progressed. We have grown. We have personally expanded. We are FEELINGS NOW!

The FEELINGS NOW! project is changing Lankville, one man at a time. Our inaugural event was last weekend, right outside of the Lankville Pyramid Area, on a semi-grassy hill next to some utility sheds. Participants feasted together, danced to the music of the “Tenderly Protectives” band, and were engaged by a “social clown” (me, in a clown outfit) who challenged men to embrace their own inner-clown. We engaged in “shadow conversations”, in which we talked to our own shadows in the second person. “Spaces of Trust” were established as well as several “Merchandise Arenas” in which participants were offered unbeatable deals.

Despite these successes, Dr. Thurston is still available for one-on-one Feelings Sessions. Understand, however, that the sessions are much more dynamic. Understand, too, that my office is much more dynamic. There is an aquarium now. The aquarium is lit from above by multi-colored, high-definition LED lights. The aquarium is full of strange squids. The shell of the ancestral squid has been lost. I will ask you to contemplate this and how it relates to manhood today. Some of the squids may be for sale for $79.99.

The FEELINGS NOW! project will be coming to a hill slightly outside of your area soon. Sign up today. Sign up NOW!

This article has been paid for by Dr. Kevin Thurston.