The Lankville Daily News

Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

I want you to imagine yourself as a child with an inner tube around your waste about to frolic along the edge of the ocean waves. Listen to the calm crash of the surf, the timeless call of the pelicans, the simple but understated sound of a foam ice chest top being lifted and a sandwich produced. Let peace wash over you.

As you’ve grown to manhood, that inner tube is still there. Not literally (although, maybe for some– Dr. Kevin Thurston does not discriminate against any form of alternative lifestyle). It’s there as a tight tube of feelings around your chest, encircling your heart.

Often, as the years pass, that tube will become deflated. The feelings will slowly leak out and away into the ether. Or the tube will be suddenly crushed as your spirit (represented by the tube, remember) is flattened. This could be the cause of a divorce, the loss of employment, or the consistent rejection of your four-act, one-man wordless play. Life can deal one a bad hand.

But Dr. Kevin Thurston is here with a remedy. Together, we will inflate that feelings tube. We will pump it back into a ring of protection, happiness and manhood. Make an appointment with me today. Most men have forged a new tube of positive feelings by session eight. I know you can too.

I also have actual inner tubes available featuring bright, inviting colors for a fun day at the beach. Transparent, smooth seam to prevent skin irritation. $9.99 for the pair.

Me as a Young Man

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

The man I was. Just look at me.

I spent many days with that pillow shoved callously between my body and the side of that Queen Anne’s chair. A pillow was just a pillow then- back before I began to have sympathy for the feelings of all things. Now, it makes me terribly sad to look at such a cute inanimate object rejected like that. I wish the “me of now” could tell the “me of then” about the imminent years of horrifying relentless inner torment and the endless journeys of fear, discovery and self-reflection. Perhaps the “me of then” would not be so easily inclined to hoarding the “free space” of the chair. All space is free. No man may claim it.

Clearly, I did.

The “me of then” also smoked three packs of cigarettes of day. It was because he (I will go ahead and call him he– he is foreign to me now) needed succor and sustenance and he sought it in those now mysterious objects purchased by the carton late at night at distant gas stations. He would drive all night, polluting our common shared spaces with cigarette smoke– exhaling it all over trees, grass and, most importantly, all over feelings.

Fortunately, my addiction is now to my patients and to keeping them away from becoming boys like this. My patients are men, men with feelings– men with feelings who buy some of the nice things I currently have available– caller ID component, fits most standard telephones, $9.99, one of those ball shape toys for babies missing one shape, $9.99, lots of other great stuff.

Make an appointment today. Be the you of now, not the you of then.

This article has been paid for by Dr. Kevin Thurston, expert on men’s feelings.

Dr. Kevin Thurston

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

Much more was broken than just my wrist when I slipped on that ice.  Much more.

And that’s why I attended a Warrior Training Adventure.

It was a group of about 30 men. In line with our commitment to ecological awareness, we were asked to utilize alternative methods of transportation to the training site. I rolled myself there in a wagon.

I was guided on my adventure by a bearded man in a sweater vest named Keith. Keith was not aware of my expertise on the subject matter of men’s feelings and, therefore, I had trouble respecting his methods. Nevertheless, other men may find some of the activities useful in working through some of their own physical or spiritual “fractures”.

DAY ONE OF THE ADVENTURE

The Separation: This is about moving away from the familiar. Keith elected to go with team-building exercises and a low ropes course (methods which are now generally regarded as antiquated) as well as indoor group exercises wherein the modern male psyche is purged of accountability, leadership, confrontation and competition. Dinner consisted of a light rice dish and some gelatin.

DAY TWO OF THE ADVENTURE

The Long Descent: An exploration of authentic male emotion, conflict, crying, purpose, and healthy restrained power. Keith elected to revisit the horrors of our individual lives (we went over time during this segment as I found that I couldn’t stop talking) and building connections to the challenges ahead. Lunch, which consisted of roughly-cut meats and uncooked roots, was hidden in the woods.

The Ordeal: A challenge to embrace full authentic masculinity, to step into raw power, and to experience the full potential of mature manhood. Keith elected to go with the “round cushion hunt”– a recreation of primal aggression and war (with the cushions replacing weapons) and we split into teams. Unfortunately, Keith gave me a bright orange pintuck cushion with button tufts that could be easily seen in the forest. I was captured almost immediately.

The Initiation: Accepting responsibility as a man among men. Exploration of group dynamics, diversity, more crying and similarity. A test of solidarity and trust (Keith elected to go with the hackneyed “falling into each other’s arms” exercise which I disagreed with). I also voiced my complaint about the round cushion hunt. As punishment, I was kept out of the first circle of men. Later, I wrote an obscene poem about Keith on a bathroom stall which I now regret.

DAY THREE OF THE ADVENTURE

The Integration: An exploration of legacy, connection, fear, purpose, relationships and intention. Understanding our connections to nature and men and feelings. All of which, I was unable to participate in because Keith found out about the poem.

The Joyous Ceremony: A feast of victory held on some picnic tables. I sat off on my own. Nevertheless, the fierce and rigorous self-examination has been beneficial to me. My wrist feels better and my feelings feel better.

We will be incorporating some of these methods in our next FEELINGS, NOW! session.

Dr. Kevin Thurston is in.

Dr. Kevin Thurston is an expert on men’s feelings.

For a long time, my column was just known as “Feelings”. That is because there was then no sense of urgency. Things have changed, however. We have progressed. We have grown. We have personally expanded. We are FEELINGS NOW!

The FEELINGS NOW! project is changing Lankville, one man at a time. Our inaugural event was last weekend, right outside of the Lankville Pyramid Area, on a semi-grassy hill next to some utility sheds. Participants feasted together, danced to the music of the “Tenderly Protectives” band, and were engaged by a “social clown” (me, in a clown outfit) who challenged men to embrace their own inner-clown. We engaged in “shadow conversations”, in which we talked to our own shadows in the second person. “Spaces of Trust” were established as well as several “Merchandise Arenas” in which participants were offered unbeatable deals.

Despite these successes, Dr. Thurston is still available for one-on-one Feelings Sessions. Understand, however, that the sessions are much more dynamic. Understand, too, that my office is much more dynamic. There is an aquarium now. The aquarium is lit from above by multi-colored, high-definition LED lights. The aquarium is full of strange squids. The shell of the ancestral squid has been lost. I will ask you to contemplate this and how it relates to manhood today. Some of the squids may be for sale for $79.99.

The FEELINGS NOW! project will be coming to a hill slightly outside of your area soon. Sign up today. Sign up NOW!

This article has been paid for by Dr. Kevin Thurston.