Home > Opinions > OPINION: I Want to Ask You a Question…

OPINION: I Want to Ask You a Question…

"The Best"

“The Best”

I want to ask you a serious question. What, exactly, do you like in a mattress? You like cloud-like comfort or super-firm support? You like allergy-free foam rubber or costly horsehair? You need a king-size– so you can get everybody in there? Or you want an extra-long mattress so you can stretch out?

What kind of pillows you want with that? Zippered antique satin? Something you can toss on the mattress made of antique rayon? Zippered to come off for easy washing? Comes in red, white, blue, gold, brown, tangerine, banana, and olive? Or you want to pamper yourself with a chair-style bedrest? Bouquet-print cotton covers? Fluffy? Resilient? Is that more your speed?

How about a 6-way pillow AND a contour bedrest? Something in pink? Gold? Desert colors? Something comfortable to match the carpet? Yeah?

What? You trying to add an aura of quaintness to any room? You want some dotted curtains ideal for problem windows? Something cloth-woven with easy-care glass fibers that dry in a wink and never need ironing? Come in white or pastels of gold, pink, pizza or aqua? Yeah? Is that what you want?

What’s that?  Oh yeah?  You’re looking to just redo everything, huh?  An automatic washer that removes lint fuzz with a filter-flo system?  You want the detergent to dissolve and evenly disperse throughout the load?  What?  You want a 12-pound capacity?  You want two different wash temperatures?  One rinse temperature? Yeah?  Oh yeah?

What’s that again?  You want a 12-inch tall blinking cat lamp?  The kind where the lights come through the cat’s eyes?  Yeah?  You want what options?  Ivory, charcoal or beige?  With highlights of brown?  And you want extra lightbulbs that come in different colors?  White?  Yellow?  Blue?  You want them in boxes of five?  You want some of the boxes to have one color but others to have multi-colors?  Really?  Yeah?

Well, OK then.  Sounds like you better…   What?   That’s right, you better come see THE BEST.


The opinions of “The Best” are not necessarily those of The Lankville Daily News or its subsidiaries.  

  1. Life Lessons Funeral Home
    August 14, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    Mattresses are wonderful but have you considered the mattress you will purchase for the everliving hereafter? Come see our selection of coffins. Remember- everyone will die.

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