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Today in Small Motel Girl Wrestling

December 2, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Dick Oakes, Jr.

By Dick Oakes, Jr.

The Horn of Comfy Motel in Breezetown, Eastern Lankville was the sight of a spirited bout last Saturday as two “virgins” took to the carpet. Indeed, the veracity of this claim was doubted by many onlookers and a grumble issued forth from the crowd until promoter Sammy “The Cylinder” Cummings stepped up onto a folding chair and addressed the throng.

“Boys,” he said in his distinctive Northern Hole accent. “These girls are virgins. I have their papers.”

This seemed to pacify the crowd and after a short (and abominable) juggling display, the two virgins made their way into the room.

Sammy "The Cylinder" Cummings: "Boys, I've Got their Papers".

Sammy “The Cylinder” Cummings: Small Motel Girl Wrestling promoter.

“Boys, I’d like to introduce you to Xenith and Flora,” said Cummings, as the beauties positioned themselves on opposite sides of the room. “These girls are two battling virgins who are ready to fight to the death, ready to inflict any and all amount of pain in their quest to be champion. This, boys, is the match that the institution of small motel girl wrestling tried desperately to stop, the match of the year, the match of the century. Also, there are hot dogs available outside.”

At that, Xenith and Flora clinched and the crowd began their rhythmic chanting. The bills flowed freely from the pockets of all attendees as last minute bets were placed and, just as quickly, retracted.

“I knew I had a good chance to win,” Xenith, 19, commented later, once the match had been decided. “I’m much more lithe than Flora– she’s a pretty girl and all but I could tell right away that I was in better shape. I knew if I could get her over by the ottoman, then the match was over. That’s what I aimed for.”

Xenith and Flora, the two virgin small motel girl wrestling wrestlers.

Xenith and Flora, the two virgin small motel girl wrestling wrestlers.

And, indeed, that is exactly how the match of the century ended. After a series of clinches, throwdowns and general hair-pulling, Xenith was able to pin her luckless opponent against the ottoman. “I didn’t see it at all,” Flora, either 17 or 38, said later. “It flipped my legs in the air and I banged my head against that bureau. I was dazed after that.”

Xenith showed all the command of a seasoned motel wrestler in finishing her opponent off. “I pulled her body up a few times for the benefit of the boys and then took that one-piecer off in one movement. Then I got on top of her rear, worked the chin and ears, flipped her over and pounded on the torso a little. Got her weak in the stomach. Sammy called it after that.”

The crowd was, in general pleased. “Yeah, first time for me,” noted onlooker Eroc Hatts of Western Lankville. “I was attracted by the idea that they were virgins. It was light-hearted because of that.”

Hatts was later murdered.

Xenith is now preparing for her next match, set to take place at the Harvest House Inn in Southern Lankville on December 11. She will take on yet another virgin, a mysterious wrestler known only as “The Fabulous Lass” and the crowd is sure to be copious. “I’ve been studying The Lass on film,” noted Xenith, who works as a waitress during the day. “She’s got a couple of gigantic bumpers and I think I can use them against her. I think I can bring her down.”

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