Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > An Interview with Royer’s Van Mechanic

An Interview with Royer’s Van Mechanic

December 4, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Dick Oakes, Jr.

By Dick Oakes, Jr.

The Lankville Daily News is pleased to present an exclusive interview with business magnate Ric Royer’s van mechanic, Frank Williamsons.

Frank Williamsons: "I don't know how they're still driving the damn thing".

Frank Williamsons: “I don’t know how they’re still driving the damn thing”.

DO: Tell us about the condition of the van.
FW: It’s not good. The first time I checked the viscosity of the…
DO(interrupting): That’s boring. Move forward please.
FW: Anyways, I get instructions once every couple of days by phone. Mr. Royer’s voice is always distant– I think he takes great pains to stand really far away from the receiver.
DO: What were some of your recent instructions?
FW: Remove all the oil. Don’t put any new oil in. Then, a few days later, he wanted all the anti-freeze removed. Then, he wanted the tires partially deflated. I don’t know how the hell they’re still driving the damn thing.
DO: What else?
FW: He asked to have the speedometer removed and replaced with a picture of a cat.
DO: What about the lights?
FW: Oh, he had a bunch of extra colored lights put in all over the place. Senseless really. They don’t do nothing. I just don’t see how they’re still driving the damn thing.

Oakes could think of no further questions and a light breeze picked up and pleasantly kissed the faces of all involved.

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