Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > This Man Bought a Bag of Braided Honey Wheat Pretzel Helices: You Won’t Believe What He Found Inside

This Man Bought a Bag of Braided Honey Wheat Pretzel Helices: You Won’t Believe What He Found Inside

December 13, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Ida Rumpus

By Ida Rumpus

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

When Dave Schlarsberger purchased a bag of Barlow Foods Braided Honey Twist Wheat Helices in the basement vending machine of Lankville State University’s Carmody Hall on Friday, he was in for a big surprise. The 52-year-old Assistant Vice President in the Office of Financial Excellence frequently seeks out the salty snack in the mid-afternoon, when hunger drives him from his suite on the fifth floor.

“Sometimes I opt for Moon Chips,” Schlarsberger admitted. “I might even go straight for a Vitiello Decorative ham bunny on a day when I’m really famished. Usually, though, it’s the Honey Helix Pretzels. Man, they just hit the spot.”

Schlarsberger didn’t sense anything different as he smoothed his dollar bill and slid it into the vending machine. The spiral mechanism whirred forward as it had dozens of times before and dispensed the bag of pretzels, which he bent to retrieve with a characteristic flourish.

“I like people to know, anyone who might be watching: yeah, I just bought this. This is mine,” he said.

Almost immediately Schlarsberger felt a different heft to this particular bag.

“Usually, you know, the bag has a decent-sized serving, more than twelve pretzel helices but less than twenty.” It’s enough to fill him up, Schlarsberger added, but not so much that he feels bloated or has no appetite for dinner.

But when he sat down behind his desk on the fifth floor and tore open this bag of Honey Wheat Helices, he was startled.

The bag of pretzels photographed through a weird, confusing filter.

The bag of pretzels photographed through a weird, confusing filter.

“The bag was packed,” Schlarsberger reported, his face still betraying astonishment. “I mean, there were pretzels practically bursting out the top of it. No way I could eat all that.”

Schlarsberger said that he thought about marching right down to the lobby of the Office of Financial Excellence and dumping half the bag onto a paper plate, to share it with the administrative assistants stationed there. Often, he said, there is a plastic container of store-bought cookies sitting on the ledge of the front desk. Sometimes brownies. Sometimes extremely heavy candies.

In the end, however, Schlarsberger decided not to share his bounty.

“Actually,” he admitted, “I kind of forgot about it. I ate a handful, did some work, ate another handful, and before I knew it, the pretzels were gone.”

But the Assistant Vice President won’t soon forget the day he discovered such an unexpected bonanza in his Braided Honey Helix Wheat Pretzels.

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