Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Area Racks Now Featuring Balloons

Area Racks Now Featuring Balloons

By Bernie Keebler

By Bernie Keebler

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

Area racks are now featuring balloons, sources are confirming.

“Yes, we’re witnessing quite a preponderance of these “balloon racks” noted local analyst Gene Shelby, Jr., who made use of air quotation marks in his utterance. “You can find them generally at the end of long aisles or sometimes near restrooms. They come in variety packs– in other words, one can attain a diverse quantity of these “balloons” that, when “inflated” will reveal a manifold series of shapes, colors and sizes.” (Shelby utilized air quotation marks again).

The balloons are affixed to free-standing racks such as this one.

The balloons are affixed to free-standing racks such as this one.

“I’m pleased about it,” noted Lankville business magnate and former mall-dweller Ric Royer. “As most are aware, I have had a complex relationship with balloons in the past. Yet, I still welcome their appearance. We had several racks at the mall!” (Royer became very loud at the end of his last sentence before abruptly ending the interview).

Sources are conflicted as to who owns the racks.

“We are not exactly sure,” stated area grocery store employee Gary Sparklers. “I lock the door at night and open the door in the morning. Sometime during the night, they are restocked. It’s mysterious and confounding.”

Sparklers was suddenly shoved into a large display freezer which was then tipped over. He is currently recovering at a local hospital.

“Data indicates you’ll be seeing more of these “balloons”,” added Shelby, again utilizing air quotations for reasons unclear.

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