The Five People You Meet in the Lankville Subway

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The Five People You Meet in the Lankville Subway

February 10, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Elliott Cumber-Lanny

Riding a Lankville subway train to work or play is a rite of passage for local denizens. Whether one is rushing to make it to class at Lankville State University, hurrying to an important meeting near Pondicherry Square, or simply taking in the sights on the Elevated Express to the Lankville Partial Icy Regions, the subway is a nexus of adventure and surprise. Having spent many years riding our august rails, this intrepid reporter brings you a dossier on the most frequent characters you’ll encounter in the Lankville subway – hopefully with a “Hail fellow well met!”

1) The Winter Guy. He’s wearing a big, thick coat with a giant puffy hood. Probably some kind of annoying, loud, clompy boots. There will most definitely be a backpack slung over his shoulder, with little zips and ties and mountain-hikey things hanging off it.

Figure 1: “The Winter Guy”

2) The Female. Technically not allowed in the subway unaccompanied by a male relative, the female often flouts this law and finds her way down the from the street like a leaf or a plastic bag tumbling in the wind.

3) The Breather. This person always seems to find a way to sidle up next to you on the platform or in the train and just stand there, breathing. Seriously, have you ever had to listen to someone breathe, right up close and in your face? Breathing in, breathing out, making soft little gurgling sounds deep in their throat, like a strangled scream.

4) The Shilly-Shallerer. Not to be confused with the Dilly-Dallerer or the Jibber-Jabberer, the Shilly-Shallerer is a certain kind of unfortunate soul who seems to populate the subway in great numbers. Bound to appear before you at the exact wrong (but ultimately whimsical) moment, fumbling in his pockets for a subway token or handcuffed to a railing.

Figure 2: Standard View of the Lankville Subway

5) The Cretin. Always a good source of “on the street” information, the Cretin moves through the subway like hemoglobin through a well-primed artery, often endearingly disheveled, hair swept back roguishly and collar undone, grinning at passersby with yellow-brown teeth.

Such are the storied figures you’re bound to meet in the tunnels that hum underneath our beloved Lankville. So step into the station, grab your token, and join us “underground”!

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