Amusement Park Opens, Consumes Many, Disappears

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Amusement Park Opens, Consumes Many, Disappears

February 12, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Bernie Keebler

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

Blanketed under a cold grey sky, Sensational Mons Island officially opened its gates yesterday, but the much- anticipated theme park lasted only three hours before it sucked itself into the earth, carrying with it hundreds of families. According to its website, the funfair is “closed until further notice”.

Reports from those left behind state that visitors of the park were made to stand in a single file line to enter and were then picked up in groups of five by a circulating safari truck covered in claw marks and chunks. Not much could be seen from behind the towering gates other than an oblong spin ride made of stone and a bear, who strutted confidently around the perimeter wearing a feathered party mask.

About two hours after opening, onlookers behind the gate watched in horror as the entire amusement folded in on itself, swallowing the ride, the bear, the attendees and a random hubcap, leaving behind a plume of mist and a haunting scorched desert landscape.

Chilling photograph taken moments before Sensational Mons Island was sucked into the earth.

Goateed witness Jeremiah Hannah-Luff described the scene as “wacky”, further noting, “it looked like the mouth of the earth was smoking a “J”, inhaled some people, exhaled some smoke. And man when that smoke cleared there was nothing there, man.” Hannah-Luff was later held down by our news team and branded with the Mark of the Fool.

Other witnesses were more distraught. “It’s a shame that it gobbled up our people,” noted bystander Leland Indiana. “I hope we get them back, but gotta say, I was also really looking forward to the chocolate fountain that was highlighted in the park brochure. Never seen a real chocolate fountain before. Just that bogus one they tout at the Lankville Economy Standard Mall. Everyone knows that one is just an illusion created by mirrors and lighting. Brown lighting.”

Detective Gee Temple was called to the scene, looked left, right, then shrugged and drove off.

An email sent to Sensation Mons Island regarding the likelihood of the return of the hundreds of people taken under by and then sealed into the barren earth and a request for the status of the chocolate fountain had not been answered by press time.

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