Rare Plants in a Fragile Ecosystem

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Rare Plants in a Fragile Ecosystem

March 31, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments

Sarah Samways, Contributing Female

I sat down with horticulturist extraordinaire, Sally Bolting, as she explained to me the ways in which to care for rare plants in a fragile ecosystem. Lankville, although most notably attributed with having vast and shiny malls, also contains sprawling gardens and intricately designed shrubs. I promise they’re there, right behind the malls and to the left. Yes, those.

Sally Bolting

BOLTING: The key to every garden is patience, persistence, and potting soil. I call ‘em the three Ps…

SAMWAYS: Is there a particular brand of potting soil that you would suggest to our readers?

SB: (long pause) It’s dirt. You’re missing the point, here. Now, shut up and listen. You see these bright, yellow Fidgetywhatsits? These crimson Welldontchaknows? They need sustenance every three hours; water and sunlight on their leaves is necessary on a consistent basis.

SS: Really? That seems like overkill.

SB: In order to maintain their lovely hues and prevent their buds from maturing, you’ve really gotta be on top of them. It sounds strange but once their buds bloom, they die.

SS: Isn’t that logic backward, somehow?

A garden in the woods behind the mall.

SB: Well, what with the Lankville smog and all, the process of photosynthesis in Lankvillian plants is completely different than the norm. That’s what makes these things so fantastic and rare.

SS: Ah, I see. What are these big purple ones? It appears as if you’ve sprayed them with glitter…

SB: Funnily enough, I didn’t. These are called Velvet Violences and they’re quite the show-stopper in any garden and that glitter effect you see is actually a defense mechanism against predatory insects that may try to feed upon it.

SS: Wow! How does that work?

SB: The details on how this process really works is still being studied in labs but basically, these flowers excrete this odorless, goo-like substance, or glitter, if you will, all over their petals whenever a insect tries to feed.

SS: Oh, so it’s a attract and repel type of thing?

SB: In layman’s terms, I suppose. They’re completely harmless otherwise. Basic hydration and general culling techniques are best for these, they make for a pretty hardy plant throughout the year.

SS: Spring has truly sprung! Now what are all these wonderful vines that surround us? They’re absolutely stunning and correct me if I’m wrong, but are we walking through a patch of ivy?

SB: You are wrong and we are not and don’t touch any of it. It’s all poisonous, touch it and prepare to die.

Silently, we then walked out of the tunnel of unidentified poisons. I attempted to rehash our interview by pointing out different plants along the way but was unsuccessful. Sally Bolting sure is one tough old broad.

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sarsparillav

March 31, 2015 at 9:35 am

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Spring has sprung!

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