Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Police Issue “Tawny Alert” Over Strange Handbills; Schropp Briefly Questioned

Police Issue “Tawny Alert” Over Strange Handbills; Schropp Briefly Questioned

By Lloyd Byas-Kirk

By Lloyd Byas-Kirk


Lankville Police and the Bureau of Probes have issued a “tawny alert” after a series of strange handbills appeared yesterday on area telephone poles, bulletin boards and parked cars.

The handbill, which advertises a furniture refinishing service, is believed to be managed and operated by a notorious felon known only as “Steve, the Cat Handbag”.


One of the strange handbills that has Lankville on tawny alert.

“We arrested Steve back in ’88 for robbing a pretzel kiosk at gunpoint,” noted Detective Gee-Temple, who was the first to arrive at the scene. “That’s something that doesn’t hold any water here in Lankville.”

The flier, however, makes claims of Steve’s complete rehabilitation and skill at furniture refinishing. A phone number is proffered.

Gee-Temple for one says he’s not believing it.

“I’d recommend that citizens take their furniture refinishing business elsewhere. Steve is a dangerous criminal. If things don’t go his way, he’ll rob another pretzel kiosk, no question. We’ve issued the tawny alert to try to prevent this from happening again.”

The Bureau of Probes uses a series of “color alerts” to warn citizens– tawny, cobalt, cherry dahlia and burnt cinnamon (the highest level).

“We went with tawny because we’re going to give Steve the opportunity to explain these handbills,” noted Gee-Temple, who paused to investigate a shooting in the hallway. “If Steve does not answer the questions to our satisfaction or if he has gone on the lam, then we’ll certainly increase the warning to say, cherry dahlia or maybe even burnt cinnamon. Hate to do that, but we have to protect the public.”


“…his entire face was pressed against the window and he had this really strange look…”


Lankville Daily News cuisine writer Brian Schropp was briefly questioned yesterday after the epicure was spotted leering oddly into several Deep Northern Suburban Lankville eateries.

“I looked up and there he was– his entire face was pressed against the window and he had this really strange look,” noted waitress Ursula Peters-Holly of The Breakfast Caucus Restaurant. “An hour later, I looked up and he was still in the exact same spot, with the same look, so I snapped a picture.”

Schropp was later spotted outside The Sandwich Castle and The Casa Montecristo (an elegant reception hall).

“The look on my face may appear goofy,” Schropp later explained, “but I’m actually concentrating deeply on the restaurant within, trying to understand its inner workings, decide whether it fits into the parameters of my enhanced taste palette and then, ultimately, coming to conclusions about reviewing the restaurant or not in my column.”

“Perfectly reasonable to me,” noted Gee-Temple, who was the first to arrive to the scene.

Schropp was released into the care of his parents.

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