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Gump Penetrates

Gump Tibbs

Gump Tibbs

It’s time for another penetrating interview with Gump Tibbs. Today, Gump interviews Dick Oakes, Jr., Lankville Daily News columnist and author of the bestselling short-story collection No Merit in It.

GT: So, you have that little area in the paper where you write about some of your exciting adventures?

DO: Yeah. I mean, I don’t know how exciting they are. My life is a sort of hell, Gump.

GT: Marvelous! And you’ve just released a new manual?

DO: It’s a collection of short stories.

GT: What an amazing endeavor! What is the manual about?

DO: I don’t know, Gump. Fer chrissakes.

GT: Such a delight! Will you be releasing any more manuals?

DO: Yeah, I guess. I got a trunk somewhere with a bunch of stories in it. Might be in a locker down at the bus station. Damned if I know where the key is.

Dick Oakes, Jr.

Dick Oakes, Jr.

GT: Sounds like a cat’s pajamas!

DO: The cat’s pajama’s?

GT: Really fabulous! Let’s move on to sports. You like wrestling?

DO: Yeah, I mean, it’s fine. Hell, they get a couple of big corn-fed girls in a small motel room and a lot of things can happen. Who can figure on any of it? Does anybody really give a damn? Tell me, Gump, does anybody give a damn?

GT: A remarkable endeavor! I’m going to fire some guns into some small bushes. Want to come along?

DO: Skip it.

Tibbs bounced away and the interview was ended prematurely.

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