Home > Electronics Cranny > The Electronics Cranny: Operation Telephone 2025

The Electronics Cranny: Operation Telephone 2025

August 25, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments
By Fritz Tennis

By Fritz Tennis

The time: a day in 2025. You’re planning on spending the afternoon at a friend or lover’s house. But you’re also expecting an important telephone call. You pick up your phone, dial first a special code prefix, then your friend or lover’s number. This done, you leave the house, knowing that all calls to your number will be automatically forwarded. When you return home that evening after a fine day of comraderie or fornication, you dial another code number and incoming calls are once again routed to your own phone.

Figure One

Figure One

Impossible, you say!  A fantasy, a chimera, an impossible dream! Fuck you, Tennis, you dumb soulless electronics shit!  And yet, whatever your opinion may be, this special service and dozens of others just as advanced will soon be available to you. Already, a prototype all-electronic telephone central office is in operation in the Eastern Lankville High Wooded Area. And it’s delighting subscribers with services which make present-day systems seem as obsolete as the rotary dial on a telephone nailed to some filthy alcoholic’s kitchen wall like some sort of perverse communication Christ on the cross.

Special Services. Within a few years – as versatile all-electronic equipment replaces the present imperfect relay-switching systems – your phone will perform such tricks as these:

Special Services Control Center- the world's first all-electronic telephone central office, now serving customers in, is but a portion of overall network shown in block form below. The system was developed by Bell Telephone Laboratories.

Special Services Control Center- the world’s first all-electronic telephone central office, now serving customers in the Eastern High Lankville Wooded Area was developed by Danny Madison Industries.

THE MANIFOLD PRESENCE

You’re talking to a friend about a new hot/cold cup you’re planning to buy. But you need more information. So without either of you hanging up, you simply dial your electronics dealer’s number. A few seconds later he is connected into the manifold presence circuit, and all three of you can discuss the hot/cold cup at will. You can even continue calling additional numbers (as many as you like up to seven) and all will be connected so that everybody can talk to everyone else about hot-cold cups.

“We decided on a limitation of seven calls at once,” noted Special Services spearhead Danny Madison of Danny Madison Industries. “Our research indicates that when an eighth voice is added to a conversation of seven, all eight participants immediately turn insane.”

“We’d like to avoid such an occurrence,” Madison added.

THE EXCLUSIVE PREFIX RELAY

There are several numbers you call regularly. A word to Special Services, and each of these “regulars” is assigned a special two-number prefix. Then, instead of having to dial the usual seven-digit number (or ten-digit number for the Outlands and Desert Area) you simply dial “12” when you want your local motel, “13” for the corner drugstore, “14” for the wife of your best friend, etc., etc.

THE INCOMING SWITCHER 

You run a small business or a kiosk and don’t want to miss any incoming calls. You make the proper arrangements, and if your office line is busy when someone dials it, your home phone rings automatically. If your home phone is busy too, a third number – perhaps an answering service, perhaps some low-skilled individual you’ve assigned to wait for calls in a building with low overhead (like a shed) will ring, and so on for as many alternate numbers as you wish (up to seven).

Danny Madison.

Boy genius Danny Madison.

“The Incoming Switcher can also alert your Reckoner which will then display a green digital message on its Electronic Brain Reading Square identifying the caller and, if possible, limited personal information,” noted Madison, who paused to attach some electrodes to a pizza. “The Reckoner can also accept short messages utilizing the mini tape disks which insert into the back but which, of course, must be purchased separately. You can then play back the message by utilizing the Danny Madison portable Reckoner Speakers which plug into the side of your Reckoner and which can also be purchased separately.”

These are only a few of the scores of special services you’ll enjoy when electronics takes over completely. Hordes of electrons rushing through transistors, diodes, tubes and funnels will do the job, and they’ll do it within millionths of a second. Thus, the all-electronic system will be able to perform at least a hundred different operations, carrying out extremely complex switching operations impossible with present-day equipment.

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