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The Electronics Cranny: THE RECKONER EXACTRA 2.0

July 12, 2016 Leave a comment
By Neil Cuppy

By Neil Cuppy

A powerful new electronic pocket calculator, the Reckoner Exactra 2.0, has been released by Danny Madison Industries.

The wildly popular calculator has already received over a billion pre-orders. Regular customer deliveries and specially-paid “air robot” deliveries begin today.

The new machine is designed for a broad range of calculating applications. It weighs only nine pounds (complete with rechargable nickel-cadmium battery) and fits into a large pocket. The new battery-powered unit can be likened to a “fast, extremely accurate electronic slide rule with a solid-state memory similar to those used in supercomputers,” says wunderkind designer Danny Madison.

“Of course, it has many other functions,” noted Madison, aged 13. “I don’t care for the antiquated term “calculator”. Unfortunately, the nomenclature is necessary for marketing purposes.”

The Reckoner Exactra 2.0: IT'S YOUR TIME: CALCULATE

The Reckoner Exactra 2.0: IT’S YOUR TIME: CALCULATE

The Reckoner Exactra 2.0 bears little resemblance to the original Reckoner whose sales now number in the billions.

“We’ve replaced the informational diskettes from the original Reckoner with built-in capacitors that are capable of collecting information automatically. In other words, you as the holder will add no information to the machine, the machine will garner information from you and your environment,” said Madison.

The inventor gave a brief demonstration.

“Note that the Reckoner Exactra 2.0 is now turned on thus automatically engaging data collection. We now turn our attention to the red light-emitting diode display which can, of course, show the usual 10-digit numerical sequences but can also furnish environmental and human geographical information.”

A brief beep was heard.

“And we see now that the Reckoner Exactra 2.0 is noting that Mr. Cuppy’s wife was murdered and that he lives alone.”

The audience clapped profusely in appreciation.

The Reckoner Exactra 2.0 comes with a sturdy travel case made of Eastern leather, foil name tags and a 379-page instruction manual. The calculator features an unusual 48-month warranty.

“It will not break down,” said Madison, who paused to plug his personal Reckoner into a pizza for reasons unclear. “It will, in fact, never break down.”

The Reckoner Exactra 2.0 currently retails for $449.99.

Anniversary of Bumpkins Carried Off By Wind to be Commemorated

October 13, 2015 Leave a comment
By Lloyd Byas-Kirk

By Lloyd Byas-Kirk

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

The one-year anniversary of the disappearance of a bumpkin family that were carried off by the wind in an Eastern Lankville trailer park will be commemorated by a scientific explanation of how wind carries off bumpkins and a sheet cake.

Did Schropp have a back alley encounter with a bumpkin? The Lankville Daily News: ESSENTIAL READ

The bumpkin trailer

The event will take place at the Casa Montecristo (an elegant reception hall) on Saturday, October 17th. Science wunderkind Danny Madison and meteorologist Jack Quintz will be the featured speakers. Tickets are $15 (with 10% of proceeds going to charity).

On October 19th of last year, a family of seven bumpkins were taken away by a strong wind. Their fate has never been discerned.

“It will be a celebration of their lives,” said event organizer Lloyd Byas-Kirk. “We will always remember them.”

The Electronics Cranny: Operation Telephone 2025

August 25, 2015 Leave a comment
By Fritz Tennis

By Fritz Tennis

The time: a day in 2025. You’re planning on spending the afternoon at a friend or lover’s house. But you’re also expecting an important telephone call. You pick up your phone, dial first a special code prefix, then your friend or lover’s number. This done, you leave the house, knowing that all calls to your number will be automatically forwarded. When you return home that evening after a fine day of comraderie or fornication, you dial another code number and incoming calls are once again routed to your own phone.

Figure One

Figure One

Impossible, you say!  A fantasy, a chimera, an impossible dream! Fuck you, Tennis, you dumb soulless electronics shit!  And yet, whatever your opinion may be, this special service and dozens of others just as advanced will soon be available to you. Already, a prototype all-electronic telephone central office is in operation in the Eastern Lankville High Wooded Area. And it’s delighting subscribers with services which make present-day systems seem as obsolete as the rotary dial on a telephone nailed to some filthy alcoholic’s kitchen wall like some sort of perverse communication Christ on the cross.

Special Services. Within a few years – as versatile all-electronic equipment replaces the present imperfect relay-switching systems – your phone will perform such tricks as these:

Special Services Control Center- the world's first all-electronic telephone central office, now serving customers in, is but a portion of overall network shown in block form below. The system was developed by Bell Telephone Laboratories.

Special Services Control Center- the world’s first all-electronic telephone central office, now serving customers in the Eastern High Lankville Wooded Area was developed by Danny Madison Industries.

THE MANIFOLD PRESENCE

You’re talking to a friend about a new hot/cold cup you’re planning to buy. But you need more information. So without either of you hanging up, you simply dial your electronics dealer’s number. A few seconds later he is connected into the manifold presence circuit, and all three of you can discuss the hot/cold cup at will. You can even continue calling additional numbers (as many as you like up to seven) and all will be connected so that everybody can talk to everyone else about hot-cold cups.

“We decided on a limitation of seven calls at once,” noted Special Services spearhead Danny Madison of Danny Madison Industries. “Our research indicates that when an eighth voice is added to a conversation of seven, all eight participants immediately turn insane.”

“We’d like to avoid such an occurrence,” Madison added.

THE EXCLUSIVE PREFIX RELAY

There are several numbers you call regularly. A word to Special Services, and each of these “regulars” is assigned a special two-number prefix. Then, instead of having to dial the usual seven-digit number (or ten-digit number for the Outlands and Desert Area) you simply dial “12” when you want your local motel, “13” for the corner drugstore, “14” for the wife of your best friend, etc., etc.

THE INCOMING SWITCHER 

You run a small business or a kiosk and don’t want to miss any incoming calls. You make the proper arrangements, and if your office line is busy when someone dials it, your home phone rings automatically. If your home phone is busy too, a third number – perhaps an answering service, perhaps some low-skilled individual you’ve assigned to wait for calls in a building with low overhead (like a shed) will ring, and so on for as many alternate numbers as you wish (up to seven).

Danny Madison.

Boy genius Danny Madison.

“The Incoming Switcher can also alert your Reckoner which will then display a green digital message on its Electronic Brain Reading Square identifying the caller and, if possible, limited personal information,” noted Madison, who paused to attach some electrodes to a pizza. “The Reckoner can also accept short messages utilizing the mini tape disks which insert into the back but which, of course, must be purchased separately. You can then play back the message by utilizing the Danny Madison portable Reckoner Speakers which plug into the side of your Reckoner and which can also be purchased separately.”

These are only a few of the scores of special services you’ll enjoy when electronics takes over completely. Hordes of electrons rushing through transistors, diodes, tubes and funnels will do the job, and they’ll do it within millionths of a second. Thus, the all-electronic system will be able to perform at least a hundred different operations, carrying out extremely complex switching operations impossible with present-day equipment.

Madison Fights Lion, Tank

February 13, 2015 Leave a comment
By Brock Belvedere

By Brock Belvedere

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

Wunderkind inventor Danny Madison fought a lion and a tank this morning, sources are reporting.

The 12-year old boy genius held a press conference to introduce his new “Repelletron Skywalk”, a device which instantly creates moving walkways when he was suddenly attacked by the lion and the tank.

The lion and the tank were defeated.

Big day for Danny Madison.

Big day for Danny Madison.

“Clearly, the lion and the tank had reasons for keeping my Repelletron Skywalk a secret,” Madison noted after the spirited rhubarb.

Madison then proceeded to describe his latest innovation.

“The Repelletron Skywalk is in response to a series of green objects that I saw hovering over a field last week. At first, I invented a cohort of robot astronauts equipped with 3-D TV cameras as “eyes”. I called them “Video Vikings”. Anyway, the “Video Vikings” failed in their objective so I have created this device which utilizes rays to create moving walkways to the sky. In this manner, I shall investigate the green objects personally.”

Madison received a standing ovation from the small crowd of assembled reporters.

“Thank you,” responded the whiz-kid. “Now, I understand there are some round bite-size doughnut remains at the back of the room?”

Unfortunately, the round bite-size doughnut remains had already been eaten.

“I’m disappointed,” noted Madison, who activated the Repelletron Skywalk through a window and vacated the room, ending the press conference prematurely.

At Last- a New Trap for Telephone Perverts!

January 16, 2015 Leave a comment
By Elliott Cumber-Lanny

By Elliott Cumber-Lanny

LANKVILLE ACTION NEWS: YES!

Lankville can breathe a sigh of relief.

Police announced this morning that the rash of telephone perversions is coming to an end.

“The Lankville Bureau of Probes in cooperation with the Danny Madison Corporation have created a device that will catch telephone perverts,” said Detective Houston Gee-Temple during a press conference in which only soggy toast was served. “I feel confident that this will bring an end to the insidious outbreak of deep telephone perversion.”

Danny Madison, creator.

Danny Madison, creator of the “Madison Revealer”.

Gee-Temple then yielded to 12-year old boy genius Danny Madison, who explained the device.

“This transparent piece of plastic will fit over your phone,” said the wunderkind, who held up a mysterious object which appeared to be invisible. “Upon receiving the debauched call, the victim will press a button. This device, which I call the “Madison Revealer” will then send a signal to police headquarters, pinpointing the caller’s location, sex, age, number of trophies won and other pertinent details. Police will then travel directly to the pervert and make the arrest.”

The assembled applauded loudly.

“Speaking of calls I’d like an ETA on that pizza that was ordered,” Madison suddenly asked the throng. A handler took him aside and the issue was dealt with privately.

The device will be available in electronics stores by Saturday and the Bureau of Probes will provide free “Madison Revealers” to past victims.

Madison to Introduce Unspaced Phrase Prefixes

December 24, 2014 Leave a comment
By Neil Cuppy

By Neil Cuppy

AN ELECTRONICS CRANNY: QUICK HIT!

12-year old inventor Danny Madison will introduce his latest creation today at an Electronics Cranny Christmas gathering in downtown Lankville.

Danny Madison, creator.

Danny Madison, creator.

“Unspaced phrase prefixes,” said the wunderkind at a press conference yesterday. “They are a type of metastat tag allowing for faster electronic searches or “quests” as I like to call them. The unspaced phrase will have a label prefix which I’m putting finishing touches on today. Probably a smiley face or a pizza, something familiar and recognizable.”

Madison claims that the prefix will allow for the grouping of similarly tagged messages.

“Imagine a set of encyclopedias but instead of the information therein being about history, geography, anthropology– all the things that make up our existence, the set of encyclopedias would all be about, say, pizza. That is the power of these unspaced phrase prefixes.”

Madison pointed at a pizza on his workbench by means of illustrating his assertion.

The boy genius, whose handheld computational device “The Reckoner” has sold over a billion units in the past month, will be spending the holidays with his family.

“It will be a time of relaxation and candy but hopefully I’ll have time to knock out a few new inventions,” he noted.

Madison to Introduce “Weather Simulator”

December 19, 2014 Leave a comment
By Fritz Tennis

By Fritz Tennis

ELECTRONICS CRANNY: QUICK HIT!

Danny Madison, creator.

Danny Madison, creator.

Boy-genius Danny Madison, creator of the enormously popular “Madison Game Cube” and “The Reckoner”, Lankville’s fastest-selling handheld computational device, is rolling out another product in time for the holidays.

“The Madison Weather Simulator” goes on sale in stores today. The retail price is $299.99.

“This device is called a “simulator” so as not to frighten people,” noted the wunderkind Madison, who was interviewed while draping a soggy pizza over a bunsen burner. “Really, its powers are far greater than mere simulation.”

Detail of the Madison Weather Simulator.

Detail of the Madison Weather Simulator.

Madison gave us a withering stare.

“It’s too bad that we are so frightened of the unprecedented,” he added. “We should all be ready for this, this next stage.”

The Madison Weather Simulator requires the completion of several identification forms and a two-day waiting period to obtain. It will be carried by most major electronics retailers.

“The Reckoner”– a Danny Madison Product

December 4, 2014 Leave a comment
"The Reckoner"

“The Reckoner”

A PAID ADVERTISEMENT

“The Reckoner” is more than just a calculator. It’s the last word in portable, hand-held computation. You have arrived at the crest, my friends.

What does it do? Everything. Pop in the diskettes (sold separately) and “The Reckoner” will do more. That’s right. More than everything. This is the apex. Look down into the valley of poorly-designed calculators. It’s deep down there, isn’t it?

But you’re up here. Up here with “The Reckoner”. And there’s no going down again. There’s no going backwards.

Hold it in your hand. What do you feel? Power? Check. Allure? Check. The prospect of imminent sexual gratification? Check. Remember what we said. Everything.

$345 isn’t too much to pay. You deserve it. Celebrate life. Celebrate YOU. It’s your time– CALCULATE.

On sale now at select electronics retailers.

A DANNY MADISON PRODUCT

Madison Launches New Website: “The Cover of Lankville’s Internet”

November 30, 2014 Leave a comment
By Fritz Tennis

By Fritz Tennis

AN ELECTRONICS CRANNY SPECIAL REPORT

Precocious techno guru Danny Madison is spilling his sack of inventions all over the Lankville community these days. Mere weeks after the release of his wildly successful “Game Cube”, the 12-year old wizard launched “scanit.com”, a website which describes itself as “the cover of Lankville’s internet.”

“Scanit.com will summarize the best pictures and stories of Lankville’s internet and place them in an easily-scannable format perfect for aimless, desultory leering,” noted Madison, who was interviewed while programming a series of robotic arms to lightly toss a bowl of chilled gelatin. “Imagine the internet as Lankville’s giant book, a book that we’re all creating. Scanit.com will be the cover of that book.” Madison paused for a moment as the wobbly gelatin suddenly shifted and began to lurk dangerously at the bowl’s edge. “It’s alright,” he then announced to the group of onlookers gathered behind him as the gelatin returned to its original position. “Everything is going to be alright.”

Madison: "

Madison: “I’m very pleased with the seven kitten posts…”

Critics, however, have noted that scanit.com has a rather lengthy list of posting rules and has already banned 7 million users as of 8AM this morning.

“I opened three different accounts just as a test,” noted Electronics Cranny contributor Neil Cuppy. “I was banned immediately for posting one of my personal electronics articles, was banned a second time for mentioning a particular zoo that was evidently unpopular with the creator and was banned a third time for opening a third account.”

“Just about everyone that has tried to post has been banned,” stated Electronics Cranny contributor Skip Vorhees. “If you log on right now, you’ll see that they only have seven posts. And they’re all just pictures of kittens.”

Madison attributed some of the early problems with scanit.com to “growing pains”.

“I’m very pleased with the seven kitten posts, however. I know that we’ll soon see more.”

Madison then returned to his experiments and the interview was ended prematurely.

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