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Giant Hurricane to Destroy Most of Lankville


By Kimball J. Cranney

By Kimball J. Cranney

A giant hurricane is expected to wipe out most of Lankville, sources are confirming.

The hurricane will likely hit the Lankville beaches Monday morning. The afternoon and evening will be the peak time of mass destruction and death.

The Category 10 storm will be preceded by eldritch winds which will bounce between the Lankville mountains for some time before a sudden ejaculatory release over the prairies. The zephyr will cause enormous power failures, electricity shortages, underground explosions and vicious animal attacks which will likely result in the evacuation of several towns. Frustrated, angry people will cling to the earth but the conflagration will ultimately claim them. The hurricane will then finish off those remaining.

“It’s going to be a big one,” said Lankville Daily News weather correspondent Jack Quintz. “The weather event will first be evident by the giant blinking rings of fire that you may notice before going to bed Sunday night, your final night. You will awake to an orange, melancholy sky issuing forth torrents of detritus out of the east. You will wonder about this in the few moments before the pounding, merciless rain suddenly cascades from the sky like some sort of demonic goblin of the elements.”

Meteorologists predict that the hurricane will be followed by a series of massive heat sheets which will pound the Lankville bay regions causing unparalleled levels of water evaporation and ground swelling and making it difficult to remove shakes from machines.

“Of course, by then, there won’t be anyone left to make the shakes,” Quintz noted.

President Pondicherry has declared a Lankville State of Tension and has deployed several hundred armed guards to area malls. Certain malls have been opened as “places of refuge” for those killed by the hurricane.

The President himself is monitoring the situation.

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