New Dance Craze Hits Town, as Everybody Does the “Lankville Shuffle”

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New Dance Craze Hits Town, as Everybody Does the “Lankville Shuffle”

October 27, 2015 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Ida Rumpus

It’s hip. It’s here. It’s new. It’s now. When local thrill-seekers like well-known couple Dick and Tammy La Hoyt strap on their dancing shoes and saunter out to trip the light fantastic, there’s a new move that sets their toes tapping and hearts racing more than any other: the “Lankville Shuffle.” From the greasy jukebox in Pizza A-Round to the plush ballroom in Casa Montecristo (elegant reception hall), it’s got Lanvillians up out of their seats and shakin’ what they got.

“We love it,” said Tammy La Hoyt, showing off the move with a startled customer on the floor of her salon, Tammy’s Nails. The svelte salonista deftly dipped her shoulder, swung her hips left, right, left, and guided her and her partner’s feet through the dance’s signature move: a swift shuffle in complex 4/3 time. “Dick can’t get enough of it, and dancing keeps him from getting punched in the face, for the most part, so it’s a win-win-win!” she added.

All right – but what about Lankville’s burgeoning millennial population? Surely these cutting-edge youngsters, the pride and future of Lankville, aren’t partaking in something as passé as – cutting a rug?

“I do it all the time,” texted millennial extraordinaire (and recently named “MacLankan genius”) Berenice Cradles. “We all do it. We love doing it. I just finished doing it, and I’m about to do it again.” Cradles added that she was going to meet friends Tori Loops, Allison Hunter-Awnings, and Emily Freedmont-Westerbrook for a quick bite of some wild pumpkin seed brie on compost chips at PAO QUOTIDIAN, where she’d asked ex-husband Josh Wilson-Shires to pick them up and take them out to do the “shuffle.”

Reached at his tent in the parking lot of Cradles’ newest development project, Wilson-Shires confirmed the plan.

No one is sure where the “Lankville Shuffle” originated. Some believe it emerged from the infrequent meetings of area cat-lovers, who gather in various locales to regale one another with images and stories of their feline friends. A discussion at one of the meetings – which are, unfortunately, shrouded in secrecy – may or may not have concerned funny cat movements, which a member of the unofficial society demonstrated for other attendees, thus birthing the area’s newest dance craze.

Others believe the “shuffle” is old as Lankville itself.

“I’ve been doing that dance for years,” said Ric Royer, the enigmatic business magnate who recently finished a disappointing third in the Lankville presidential race. “Only we didn’t call it the ‘Lankville Shuffle,’ and the key steps were in 6/4 time, not 4/3. Also, we did a little dip at the end, not that crazy swirl they’re ending it with now. What is that?” he added, exasperated. “It’s just a poor imitation of the ‘Pondicherry Slide,’” sneered Royer, rehearsing the moves while humming an enigmatic tune.

No matter where the dance came from, most agree it’s a hit; old or new, young and old, in, out, over, around: everybody do the Lankville Shuffle!

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