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Bumpkiniana

By Otis Nixon

As Told to Otis Nixon

The Lankville Daily News is lusciously delighted beyond measure to present “Bumpkiniana”, a series of Bumpkin tales as recorded by folklorist Otis Nixon.

Earl came 300 miles along the tracks of the Southern Outlands Express to see his sister Tulah who lived above a greengrocer’s. He sang an old bumpkin folk song as he walked:

I’m walking
Yes, I am walking
I’m walking
To see my sister.

When he arrived, Tulah greeted him from the porch. She was wearing a unicorn costume.

“Aww, honey,” Earl said. “You ain’t gonna’ wear that unicorn hat the whole time, are you?”

“Naw, Earl,” Tulah said. “If it bothers you, I don’t need to wear it.”

She removed the helmet with the big papier mache horn to reveal long flowing brown hair.

“Aw, now, see Tulah, you always did have the most beautiful hair. Why, you’re gonna’ have just all kinds of suitors asking after you now that you took that unicorn hat off.”

Tulah blushed.

“I got you something Earl. It’s a present.”

A local lunatic's imaging of Tulah in her unicorn suit.

A local lunatic’s imagining of Tulah in her unicorn suit.

“Aw, now, Tulah, you didn’t need to go and do all that.”

She gave him a box with a big colored bow. Earl removed the top to reveal a giant crushed hat.

“Aw, my God, Tulah. Look at this hat! It’s beautiful!”

“I’m sorry it got crushed, Earl. The man at the hat store was rough with it.”

“It’s beautiful.”

They embraced, sister and brother, for the first time in years.

“You must be hungry Earl. Let’s go over to the train station. There’s a fellow over there that sells franks.”

After dinner, they sat on the porch above the greengrocer’s. A man came out below and screamed for a long time.

“Who’s that devil?” Earl said.

“Aw, he does that all the time,” Tulah said.

They set out awhile.

“Aw, this is a beautiful town you live in, Tulah.”

“I know Earl.”

Earl left the next day. “I gotta’ keep on,” he said.

As he walked away, he sang another old bumpkin folk song:

I went to see my sister
Oh, I went to see my sister
Now, I’m done seeing my sister
And now I’m fixing to walk back home

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