Home > Lankville Action News: YES! > Thurston Judges Cheeseburger Competition

Thurston Judges Cheeseburger Competition

By Elliott Cumber-Lanny

By Elliott Cumber-Lanny


Men’s feelings expert and Lankville Daily News correspondent Dr. Kevin Thurston judged a cheeseburger competition on the Culinary Stage at a Lankville, First! rally in the Northern Outlands last night, sources are confirming.

“The cheeseburger is a beautiful expression of Lankvillian pride, along with the pizza,” said Thurston, who was spotted in the judges’ tent with some other men. “And while I am certainly all about culinary diversity and alternative feelings, I believe that it is appropriate to acknowledge one’s heritage upon occasion.”

Thurston tasted over 90 cheeseburgers before settling on Daniel Tartabull of the Northern Cleared Pack Area as the winner.

“Tartabull’s cheeseburger had the most feeling,” Thurston averred.

Dr. Kevin Thurston with another man.

Dr. Kevin Thurston with another man.

The rally was held in support of the Lankville, First! movement which has been gaining momentum in certain fringe areas.

“I’m unaware of the movement,” Thurston admitted when probed. “I’m here for the cheeseburgers and also to continue spreading my message of peace, tolerance and exceptionally good deals.”

Thurston paused to offer this writer a decorative bathroom ventilation fan.

“This fan is priced at $159.99 from most major retailers but Dr. Kevin Thurston is currently offering it for just $144.99, including shipping,” he stated.

Tartabull, a 34 year-old post offices employee, said he was pleased with the honor.

“I make a good burger. Everybody always says that,” he noted.

Dr. Thurston is currently in the middle of a 10-area “Summer Feelings Tour”, making stops along the way at small festivals and carnivals.

“Summer is a wonderful time for men to get in touch with their feelings, free themselves from uncomfortable clothing and just put on some shorts and a t-shirt and get their bodies out there,” he mused.

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