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Cake in Process of Being Consumed

A Buck Igloos Health Watch

By Buck Igloos


A cake is in the process of being consumed, sources are reporting.

“We had a catered lunch,” said Lowinger Brothers Utility Shed CEO Aaron Lowinger of the Lankville Port Area. “And we’re taking this cake and pumping it up like a god damn pyramid is the nature of what’s going on here.”

Lowinger provided no further explanation.

The cake when it was only half-eaten and prior to Totten's death.

The cake when it was only half-eaten and prior to Totten’s death.

“I would say the cake is almost half-eaten,” said longtime employee Willie Totten who also contributed to the consumption of the sugary loaf. “About twenty minutes ago, there was more of the cake but as time has moved forward, we are now facing a situation where there is less of the cake.”

“That’s generally the linear path that one follows whenever a cake is presented,” Totten added.

The employee suddenly vomited into a strange opaque grayness that appeared. When the weird phantom-like mist became thicker and threatened to overtake Mr. Totten, he ended the interview abruptly and made an attempt to run out the conference room door before disappearing into the expanding shroud, screaming and shrieking for the help that never came.

“It’s terrible about Willie,” Lowinger commented later. “We’re down to about 1/4 of the cake left now.”

The Lowinger Brothers Utility Shed Company has been providing Lankville with quality utility sheds at affordable prices since 1982.

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