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The Lankville Daily News Guide to Fall Fashion

October 22, 2015 Leave a comment
By Hayley Brooke Reagan Caitlyn Jones, Fashion Attache

By Hayley Brooke Caitlyn Reagan-Jones, Fashion Attache

It’s fall now, which qualifies as a Lankville holiday in my book. There is nothing more exciting than kicking off the season of cozy sweaters, flannels, bonfires and leaves. As the temperature drops, let’s take a look at the five fall fashion trends that I just can’t live without!

1. Felt Hats

The Pumpkin Fedora from Cabbages Boy.

The Pumpkin Fedora from Cabbages Boy.

Spotted on the runways of Maison Maison, Cabbages Boy and Christians La Crux, you would be mad as a hatter to not doff one of these giant felt hats this season! Summery styles like floppy hats, fedoras and straw-boaters get a seasonal upgrade with warmer materials like felt, wool, and Island panels. My pick: this oversized pumpkin fedora with rare Island turkey feathers from Cabbages Boy. The neutral colors and structured shape compliment nearly every fall look (except strong blues, watery oranges, lime greens and most pinks. $295, $310 for larger heads.

2. Blanket Scarves

Fashion over function is banished to the attic with this fall trend. Blanket scarves combine popular prints like plaid or Outlands checkerboard with warm wool to create the epic cold weather accessory. Added bonus: they are incredibly versatile and can be used as a waist or groin scarf, shoulder poncho or even an actual blanket at your next fall bonfire! My pick is the Blanket Scarf with Sheet and Pillow from Christians La Crux. With a velcro band along the collar– you can attach your pillow (included at additional price) for that quick, sudden nap or…ahem…intimate moment! The sheet even folds up– put it back in your pocket and go! $125, $150 for larger necks. Washable.

The Pyramid Sweater from

The Pyramid Sweater from Hermes Kenny.

3. The Pyramid Sweater

For many Lankvillians, fall means that yearly trip to see the Great Pyramids. And nothing says “a monumental structure with a square or triangular base and sloping sides that meet in a point at the top” than the Pyramid Sweater from Hermes Kenny. It’s the ultimate in “boyfriend sweaters” featuring what Hermes Kenny calls “The Three B’s”– “bulky, banded, and ribbed.” My pick is the “desert sand” color (pictured). $125, $175 for larger necks. Sizes- Medium to XL.

4. Tassel Accessories

According to the Lankville Daily News Gazette of Fashion (industry trade magazine only), tassel earrings have made an elephantine comeback this season after being spotted in the fall collections of Hams by Vitiello and Claudell de la Washington. The elegant but shocking tassel shape brings flare, drama, and slight fear to any outfit, but my personal take on the trend is an extremely chunky tassel necklace with additional erratic ultraviolet laser tassels attached to my belt loops. The jangling and the firing of intermittent tassel lasers is sure to turn heads all autumn long!

Sweaters with vehicles on them.

Sweaters with vehicles on them.

$45 each, $60 for “hippy” women.

5. Sweaters with Vehicles on Them

The latest craze out of the Lankville capital last month was sweaters with vehicles on them. Already, we’ve seen them in the fall collections of Underground Penny, DEBBIE! and Gourds by David (unfortunately, Gourds by David sweaters are exclusively for gourds). My pick: “On the Bus” by DEBBIE! (sweater has a bus on it). $175, $200 for larger heads.

Hopefully, my guide will you give you some ideas as we head into what experts are predicting will be a cold and often deadly autumn!

Hayley Brooke Caitlyn Reagan-Jones appears courtesy of The Lankville Daily News Gazette of Fashion. She maintains an online digital workstation, a community garden and an urban restoration organization. 

Categories: Lankville Action News: YES! Tags: , , ,

A Chubby Steals the Show!

July 15, 2015 Leave a comment
By Ida Rumpus

By Ida Rumpus

FASHION NOTES

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Chubbette Dolores Fountains shows off the goods.

When 14-year-old Dolores Fountains walked down the runway at the CALLING ALL GIRLS Club Fashion Bonanza in Eastern Lankville last night, you could have heard the applause all the way out in the Far Desert Area. Like Dolores, a bunch of the girls in the audience were Chubbies, so you couldn’t blame them for cheering when she was picked as one of the prettiest models by a jury of five boys. Yes, she stole the show!

Dolores fits into a Chubbette size 14 1/2 to perfection. Pinafore, shown at left about $75, white rayon date dress with lace inserts and larger neck hole shown at right, about $89, oversized shoes (not shown) about $65. These and many other Chubbette fashions available at Nan’s of Lankville (ask for the Chubbette room) in the Oldtown East Area.

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Celestine Meek (left) sports the two-piece pajama set while Briannacindy Cordova (right) models the Tommie Coat while eating a small pie.

SUMMER PAJAMAS UNVEILED

Don’t be caught napping in long, uncomfortable gowns, winter pajamas, or animal costumes this winter! To keep cool in the heat from yawn to dawn, pour a bunch of talcum powder all over your body and then slip into a two-piece pajama set or a Tommie Coat from the folks at Comfa-Sleep! Comfa-Sleep is made from state-of-the-art mysterious Outland fabrics that will hold up to repeated washings without fade. The checked rayon crepe midriff sleepers could even double for outdoor play (recommended in rural areas).

FANCY PANTS TALK

A talk was given called “Fancy Pants Ideas” by Mrs. Beatrice Tibbs (nee Niedenfeur) following the CALLING ALL GIRLS show.

Mrs. Tibbs demonstrated a new use for discarded jeans.

“If you were planning on throwing away your jeans, here’s a simple idea. Cut them off knee-high or higher (depending on your area) and then cut the fringe at the bottom with a pair of scissors. Makes a cute cow-girl outfit!

Mrs. Tibbs had little else of interest to note and for several minutes the audience was uneasy and desultory.

TANK CONFUSES PATRONS

The tank confused patrons.

The tank confused patrons.

Perhaps the only hitch of the show was the presence of a large military combat tank which confused patrons.

“It was in the lobby, right by a display of summer raincoats,” noted attendee Roberta Queens of the Northern Affluent Area. “The mortar was pointed straight at you as you walked in.”

Organizers dodged questions on the tanks presence.

“Everyone is having a wonderful time,” said chairman Bev Charboats when asked.

Categories: Lankville Action News: YES! Tags: , , , ,

Designer Decorative Ham Line “Christo” Walks Runway

January 28, 2014 Leave a comment
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File Photo

By Lance Pepsid
Special Fashion Correspondent

Only days after announcing a series of special spring loafs, innovator Chris Vitiello unveiled his new designer decorative ham line “Christo” before an appreciative crowd at fashion week here in Lankville City.

Model sports a Kenzo Ham Dress. Meat outfits are evidently huge this year.

Model sports a Kenzo Ham Dress. Meat outfits are evidently huge this year.

The line of twelve different decorative hams were carted down the runway by models, clad in ham-inspired outfits designed by many leading lights of fashion including Kinnith Coles, Christians La-Crux, Dolce Porches, and Hermes Kenzo.

Vitiello, who sat in the front row sporting a specially-designed haute couture bedsheet with a large “whip pocket”, smiled mildly throughout the show.

“The important thing was getting the message out there,” the magnate and hockey executive said later. “But it was difficult to sit amongst this aggregation of little whores without wanting to whip everyone senseless and end this garish, profane exposition of visual prattle with one crack of the whip.”

Vitiello left quickly and issued no further statement.

“I thought “Christo” was just tres chic,” said noted designer and critic Cabbages Boy. “I can definitely see the hams becoming deluxe and underground and a common accessory. I saw the first ham and I thought– PURSE!” added Cabbages Boy in a homosexual manner.

Further reviews of “Christo” are expected in the fashion magazines later this month.

Categories: Musings of a Decorative Ham Man Tags: , , ,